• Create partnerships between Premier/Football League clubs and local Non League clubs
• Play the county cup competitions at the end of the season
• Flexibility on when the leagues end
• All non league clubs to offer free entry to Under 16s
• Allow alcohol to be drunk on the terraces
• Play the FA Trophy and Vase as a double header on the same day at Wembley Stadium
• Make Non League Day a permanent feature in the calendar
• Alleviate the financial catch 22 of promotion
• Scrap the ground grading farce

“Write a report of your season” said he.

“I will” said I

I didn’t.

Then he mentioned it again two weeks later, and I couldn’t get out of it. So this is how I spent my Bank Holiday weekend. I hope you appreciate the sacrifice.

Standard season reviews are easy. “We had hopes, they were dashed. Coggins was good, Miggins was awful. Next season, with two or three new players …” But what do you write when you don’t have a team? No-one wants to sit through ream after ream of poorly-constructed match reports from the Abacus Lighting Central Midlands Football League Black Dragon Premier Division. And I don’t want to write them. Christ knows I struggle in the immediate aftermath, never mind several months later.

So instead, there now follows a slide-show of some of my favourite snaps from season 2010 – 2011, accompanied by some half-arsed descriptions. If I’m honest, you will probably enjoy You’re Supposed To Be At Home’s effort more.

The excitement got just too much for some as Gresley closed in on the EMCL title at Radcliffe Olympic.

Jesus, but this is boring, no? It’s like all the worst 1970s sitcoms and I’m not even wearing an chiffon dress. No-one deserves this sort of suffering.

How about I tell you about non-league football in Derbyshire, Nottinghamshire and South Yorkshire? That’s guaranteed to be enthralling.

Well, in a word, it’s shit. A look at the top echelons of football tell you that all of Sheffield is crap at football. Forest, Derby and Leicester have tried to be any good, and failed. Around them, folks are feeding off the crumbs. Notts County nearly got relegated, Lincoln did. Mansfield lost the FA Trophy with the last kick of extra time. In short, proper football in this area is in the doldrums.

And yet the non-league game keeps pottering along. Just. Times are tough at the £2 - £6 end of the market. Gedling Town died, and came back. Church Warsop have gone. Ilkeston Town have gone. (albeit Ilkeston are set to return next season, without the Town). God only knows what is going off at Glapwell. Retford took voluntary relegation as Worksop got a pass back home. Mansfield were locked out. Eastwood were phked over. And there would be so many more if my memory weren’t so shocking.

The biggest crowd I have experienced this season, Lincoln’s relegation aside, was at Heanor v Gresley. An attendance of 308 saw what was pretty much a East Midlands Counties Football League title decider that was complicated by the nefarious exploits of the Hinckley manager knowingly playing ringers in previous games. It ended nil-nil.

The lowest crowd was 12 at Welbeck Welfare in the Central Midlands League. A game which kicked off at 6pm as their landlords, Church Warsop, don’t have floodlights. Only, they couldn’t muster a team until gone half six, meaning that there was no halftime as the ref battled to beat the sunset.

I saw a mascot called Elvis Gresley, and a gorilla playing the drums. Black eyes and Butcher-style head bandages. Too many fancy dan boots to be healthy. I saw fat officials and glamorous physios (photos kept in my own private collection, sorry). I saw dugouts on wheels and adapted supermarket trolley shelters. PA systems that could deafen you. I saw mud baths and dust bowls, mini tornadoes and major snow drifts. All of which those concerned just played through, around, over or under. I saw many players who could, arguably should, be playing at a higher level. And a good few who have reached their peak on a muddy and windswept field in the East Midlands. All of them worked alongside me and alongside you. They didn't get gagging orders. They didn't need to, no-one cared about them. But they played with all the enthusiasm of school kids much of the time. And for that I thank them all.

It was, in truth, an odd season. I made numerous new acquaintances via Twitter. Hence this post, in fact. Yet my footballing exploits continue to be largely solo efforts. Watching lincoln on the last day of the season, I got all misty eyed for times when I was part of a gang, caring passionately about the result. But then I saw fans baying at referees and players, and I was happy to be rid of such traits. Maybe that sounds elitist and pompous. Tough. There are many things wrong with football, and so many better writers than I have analysed the financing, the player power, $ky, the Premier League, dodgy chairmen and all the rest. But we as fans rarely look at ourselves, and at our behaviour. I hate to say it, but I think by and large football fans have got the product they deserve.

In a last ditch bid to restore some levity after post Jesus, that took an unexpetcted turn for sober contemplation! I apologise. By way of trying to steer this post back toward the lighthearted jocularity you come to expect from TBIR, please dust off your dinner jackets, prepare some speeches and hold on to your hats, as I unveil the inaugural, and completely unheralded Beaties. (On a side note, it turns out Beatie is the name of the world’s first sex change father. And I was innocently looking for unflattering photos of James Beattie or Maureen Lipman from the BT ads!):

Favourite food - Glossop North End

Favourite game - Radcliffe Olympic v Tipton Town

Favourite clubhouse - Staveley Miners Welfare

Favourite ground - Borrowash Victoria

Fans of the Year - FC United

Pub of the Year - Dead Poets, Holbrook

Club Name of the Year - Thurnby Nirvana / Birds Eye FC

So that was season 2010-2011 at Beat The First Man. Asides from a new home for the blog, and an alarming upturn in Twitter followers, it was much the same as the season that preceded it, and likely to be mirrored in the future.

I should really work in marketing.

You can follow Beat The First Man on Twitter here, and visit his excellent website there.

United’s Conference North season started with a couple of 1-0 wins which did little to indicate what was to come. Boston fans rocked up at a sunny Valley Stadium in Redditch to be greeted by a free buffet laid on by their Supporters trust. The afternoon got better as Boston notched up the Conference North’s record away win with a 9-0 drubbing. Credit to the Redditch support for singing when nine down!

The next away game, at Harrogate, saw a 6-3 win spark off an 11 game unbeaten league run. Boston only scored 11 in the next ten games, but the back-line kept ten straight clean sheets including one of the best results of United’s season; Boston got absolutely battered by an unbeaten Alfreton side, including a missed penalty, only to run out 1-0 winners.

This great run was punctuated half way through by one of the season’s few lows. Worcester City, quickly becoming one of Boston’s bogey teams, visited York St for the Pilgrims’ first FA Cup encounter of the season. It turned out to be the last as Boston, going 2-0 down brought it back to 2-2 only to lose it in the last minute. The FA Trophy held little more joy as Boston missed out on an away trip to Luton following a 1-0 defeat at the hands of Gloucester.

United took part in a thrilling encounter at Workington, going 2-0 up to 3-2 down only to win 5-3 in what can only be described as a brilliant match; eclipsed only by the home game against Alfreton. United became the first and only team to do the league double over Alfreton this season. Trailing 2-0 at half time, one of the best halves of football I’ve seen won Boston the game.

Then managers Scott and Hurst, with awful timing, threw the toys out of the pram and went to Grimsby. Jason Lee and Lee Canoville took over and despite a Lincs Senior Shield defeat to Stamford, saw the Pilgrims into the play-offs against Guiseley. Over the two legs United managed to come back from 1-0, 2-1 and 3-2 down to take the game to penalties. Sadly for the Pilgrims’ the luck was with the Yorkshiremen and Boston’s fantastic season was over.

2010/2011 has been a high octane season full of emotion at both extremes of the spectrum for the players, management and fans of Southport FC.

With the campaign now over, Southport find themselves sitting fourth from bottom of the Blue Square Bet Premier league, occupying the last relegation place, and the sense of disappointment throughout both the club and the town is overwhelming.

After becoming champions of the Blue Square Bet Conference North last season, the part-time Sandgrounders were always going to find this season in the Conference National challenging considering the calibre of the professional teams that they would have to compete against, but the nature of the defeat, with safety looking possible with ten minutes of the final match remaining, has left a bitter taste.

Southport manager Liam Watson entered the 2010 campaign with a squad largely unchanged from the one that had secured their promotion at Eastwood Town the previous season. Only a handful of players departed, the most notable being striker Ciaran Kilheeney who, after two successful seasons at Port, signed for Conference North side Droylsden to be replaced by Matty McNeil of League Two Stockport County.

Port got off to a solid start to the season and, despite the loss to AFC Wimbledon at home on the first day, went five games without defeat, holding off teams such as Forest Green, Kidderminster Harriers and Cambridge United.

September and October brought mixed results for The Sandgrounders although a worrying trend of negative results away from home saw the team slip toward the bottom of the table. Port’s success in the F.A. Cup however, meant the league took a back seat from the limelight as The Yellows were drawn to play Sheffield Wednesday at home in the first round proper, a game that was to be shown live on national television.

As the country’s media descended on Haig Avenue, the atmosphere in the town reached fever pitch and a full ground gathered to watch the magic unfold. A twelfth minute goal from Wednesday’s Gary Teale certainly rained on Port’s parade but a rather sedate first half saw the score 1-0 at the break with plenty still to play for.

It took only seven minutes into the second half for Southport to make their mark on the game when a magnificent strike from Paul Barratt, later voted goal of the season, levelled the score to rapturous scenes in the stands. Although it would eventually be the Yorkshire club that made it through to the second round, the crowds were treated to six goals in twelve minutes where the plucky Yellows managed to equalise a second time via substitute Matty McGinn’s first kick of the game.

The efforts shown in the F.A. Cup tie seemed to take their toll on The Sandgrounders and, after such highs, the comedown was a harsh one. The dark winter months of November and December brought with them the snow and some bleak times for Southport. Ten matches without victory, starting with a gut wrenching 3-2 loss at home to Bath City despite having a two goal lead at the break, culminated in a draw at Barrow on New Year’s Day. These were hard times indeed.

Changes needed to be made and renewed hope came in the form of new signings, midfielders Karl Ledsham and ex-Everton reserve John Paul Kissock. Port also saw the departure of Ashley Winn who, after two seasons with The Yellows, signed for fellow Conference National side Gateshead, and it was at home to Gateshead that Southport would see an end to their dry spell.

Kissock and Ledsham were major contributors to the 5-1 victory at home against The Tynesiders, giving Southport a new lease of life. A home win against Newport County and success in both Lancashire & F.A. Trophy cup ties briefly offered the promise of an upturn in form but ultimately it wasn’t to be and the run ended in a heavy 5-0 defeat at AFC Wimbledon. Port showed further signs of regaining momentum with goal-heavy wins against York and Forest Green showcasing impressive performances from additional recruits, winger come forward Shaun Whalley and midfielder Aaron Turner.

The snow and various cup runs resulted in re-arranged fixtures and February brought with it a great deal of travelling for Port as they faced consecutive away trips to Hayes, Crawley and Bath and returned without having gained a single point. The distance covered and lack of success seemed to take it’s toll on Liam Watson’s team when, after gaining a vital three points at home to doomed Histon, they failed to capitalise and lost the first of what would be two defeats to bottom of the table Eastbourne Borough in what Port’s manager would later describe as the most disappointing results of the campaign.

With the end of the season looming and Southport’s poor form on the road their Achilles’ Heel, it became clear that the battle for survival would come right down to the wire with their fate being decided on the very last game, away to Kettering Town. With a large contingent of travelling fans behind them, Port were only minutes away from remaining in the Blue Square Bet Premier before finally succumbing to a 3-1 defeat condemning the club to relegation by a mere two goal difference.

Promoted to the league alongside local rivals Fleetwood Town, the paths of the two clubs have been contrasting . Wealthy Fleetwood spent heavily in the transfer windows to acquire a squad experienced in league football, invested in the rejuvenation of Highbury and the construction of a brand new stand, with their eyes set firmly on a future in The Football League after missing out in the playoffs this time around. By contrast, Southport languish in the drop zone, their only chance of a reprise hanging on the financial instability and potential collapse of clubs above them, a sad situation which lovers of the game would not like to see.

Starting the campaign as favourites for relegation, the target being a finishing place of twentieth, meant that despite the eventual disappointment, Southport still had an encouraging season. The home win against Luton in March, the big wins against Gateshead, York and even the strong performance put in against league champions Crawley Town, culminated in a highlight reel that was only missing one further moment of heroics and one more point required for that fairytale finish.

The Hand Stadium – Clevedon Town. The Hand Stadium took its name from the Hand family, successive generations of which were involved in running the club for nearly 100 years. The facility includes an all weather pitch, training facilities, a 300-seater stand, tiered terracing around the whole ground and a clubhouse. The complex also includes function/conference facilities as well as Vibe, Clevedon’s only nightclub.

The Dovecote – Shepshed Dynamo FC. Not so much the ground name but its location in Butthole Lane is enough to give even the most conservative vicar a fit of the giggles. The ground has been home to Northern Premier League Division One South Shepshed for over 100 years.

The Dripping Pan – Lewes FC. Home of the Rooks, from Blue Square Bet South, The Dripping Pan is so named because the site was where monks from the local priory used to dry water from the nearby river to make salt. This also accounted for the pitch being sunk below ground level and being surrounded by grass banks on all sides. Still a wonderful place to watch a game with the chalky South Downs in the background.

The Eyrie – Bedford Town FC. Zamaretto Premier League team Bedford’s ground’s name is easy to explain. The club are nicknamed The Eagles, after some of the residents that used to frequent the countryside around the original ground. For all of you who didn’t study zoology at school (shame on you) then an Eyrie is another name for an Eagles nest. Simple really.

The Beveree – Hampton & Richmond Borough FC. The ground is known as Beveree and it lies adjacent to Beaver Close, which would seem to suggest as to where the tag originates. Furthermore, an ancient stream (which currently flows underneath the pitch) heads towards the river Thames some 200 yards away, which may indicate that the area could have been the habitat of the animal before it became extinct in the UK hundreds of years ago. Still amusing though and recently included in The Inbetweeners 50 rude place names in England.

The Snake Pit – Atherstone Town FC. Despite some extensive research into this one, I cannot see one logical reason why Zamaretto League Southern Division Atherstone’s ground is called the Snake Pit. They are nicknamed “The Adders” but it is unclear as to what came first – the nickname or the ground. Either way, looking at some of the forums from visiting teams there is enough bite in the home fans to make travelling supporters very wary.

The Butchers Arms – Droylsden FC. The ground is named after the Butcher’s Arms public house, whose landlord in 1892 instigated the formation of Droylsden FC to play on land behind the pub, which became the ground. Now playing in the Blue Square Bet North division the club celebrate the Butchers name at a designated home game once a year, when the stadium floor is sprinkled with saw dust and fans are invited to wear white overalls and hairnets however due to new health and safety regulations the smearing of pigs blood on each others faces has been outlawed.

Victoria Pleasure Gardens – Goole AFC. A strange one this as you would expect it to be located by the sea side. But Goole is actually 45 miles inland, located in the West Ridings of Yorkshire. As a travelling Lincoln fan who visited it recently for a pre-season friendly commented, “I can see its Victorian from the age of the facilities, but pleasurable it certainly ain’t”.

Giant Axe – Lancaster City FC. Located close to Lancaster railway station, The Giant Axe has been Northern Premier League Lancaster City’s home ground since 1905. It was given its name as it was the centrepiece of a sports club, the exterior wall of which was, when viewed from above, the same shape as an axe head.

The Scholars – Chasetown FC. Chasetown have come to the nations attention due to their FA Cup exploits in the past few years. They can also boast once funny comedian Frank Carson as one of their directors. The club currently plays in the Northern Premier League Premier Division and is nicknamed The Scholars, having been formed by affiliates of nearby Chase Terrace High School in the Chase Terrace area of Burntwood.

I am sure we have missed a few, so please if you know of any more interestingly named grounds then let us know.

7. Make Non League Day a firm fixture in the calendar
James Doe deserves a medal for making the first ever Non League Day last September. Not only did he have the energy to say “right let’s do it” but he was also able to get national media attention to the day. In short Non League day – what a brilliant idea! My Non League team of choice Lewes FC hosted Hampton & Richmond Borough on a glorious sunny day and saw 694 fans flock into The Dripping Pan, up more than a hundred on games in previous weeks. We also saw the likes of Jonathan Pearce, Mark Williams (From Fast Show and Harry Potter fame) and Dave Lamb (The voice of Come Dine with Me) come along to support their local club.

For those of you who have no idea what Non League Day is or was then shame on you! It was a chance for all of those plastic Premier League and Football League (well, the higher placed clubs) to remember that there is more to life than a sanitised stadium, overpriced and undercooked food and players faking injuries. It was a celebration of our Non League game and an opportunity for everyone to enjoy a game at the grass roots level of the game.

So what does it take to become a regular fixture on the calendar? Three things really.

First. Make sure that the FA recognises the day and therefore stipulates that home internationals are not played at 3pm on a Saturday (or preferably on a Saturday at all). This day happened because the home game versus Bulgaria was played on the Friday night meaning no Premier League, nPower Championship and around half of the League One and Two games were played on the Saturday. Take the game last weekend against Wales – couldn’t that have been played Friday night? They play rugby union internationals in Cardiff on a Friday night without any issue? Or Sunday?

Secondly. It takes a willingness of the clubs involved to adopt it as a special day. Clubs need to do more to attract fans for this. Many did last time out – Some offered 50% discount on admission, others put on special events. But all clubs need to adopt the day and do something, otherwise it will be just like any other home game.

Thirdly. Whilst I do not particularly advocate sponsorship for the sake of it, I actually think this would benefit from some sponsorship. Why not make it like a “Red Nose Day” for clubs – do fundraising events, give some cash to grass roots football charities. And get a national sponsor of the day who can use their marketing resources to really get the message across.

I would also suggest that it is held twice a season, planned so that ALL Non League clubs could benefit from hosting a game each season. So in September it is Lewes versus Hampton & Richmond Borough, and then in March or April it could be the reverse fixture. And let’s recognise the contribution of possibly the greatest man in Non League football, Tony Kempster (idea thanks to Danny Last) by naming the day after him….and getting at least a CBE for James Doe for his services to football.

8. Alleviate the financial catch 22 of promotion
This idea comes from Charlie Dobres, one of the directors of Lewes FC. The cost of being promoted up the non-leagues can be crippling, each promotion seeming to cost almost exponentially more due to increased player wages, ground grading requirements, longer travelling distances and more. The step-up to Blue Square Bet Premier in particular, where almost all teams are now full-time, is a killer for small clubs. Increased crowds and sponsorship do not cover these promotions, so the inverse economics of non-league football is such that, the higher you go, the bigger the losses. Every time aspires to play at a higher level, but at what cost? You can see the division in class both on and off the pitch between a Hayes & Yeading or a Histon, and a Luton Town or a York City.

Occasionally you are surprised by teams who seem to come from nowhere. Fleetwood Town this season are making a real challenge to the top six but are being bankrolled. Crawley Town? Do not get me started on that whole situation? AFC Wimbledon, a club built on solid community foundations.

So I would propose an ‘Escalator payment’ for promoted clubs. Funded by the Premier League/FA it would make a grant to promoted clubs sufficient to cover one season’s additional costs in the league above. This would give clubs more time to adjust to the step up and act as a safety net. At the moment, some clubs’ biggest fear is, ironically, the ‘threat’ of promotion. You can look at it as the other side of the coin to the parachute payments that a Premier League club gets on being relegated.

We all know that most clubs are held together financially by wealthy(ish) benefactors. That’s their choice, but the downside is an innate long-term instability in the club i.e. what happens when that person(s) goes away? So I propose a cap on the proportion of club income that can come from donations. Perhaps starting as high as 50% in year one, but ending up in year three (to create a soft landing) as no more than 20%. This would encourage and give clubs time to both replace this sugar-daddy money with genuine recurring, earnt in both gate receipts and commercial activities.

9. Scrap the ground grading farce
Following on from the financial catch 22 we have ground grading. Take a look at the picture on the right? Idyllic setting isn’t it? This is the home of VCD, last season of the Ryman League North. 2009/10 was the first season at this level and they more than held their own. Crowds were as you expect modest, in keeping with a regionalised league were attendances do not often break the three figure barrier. They were accepted for promotion from the Kent Premier League to the Ryman in May 2009. A year later after they finished in a respectable 8th place. But then they were told that their Oakwood Road ground was not up to standard and they were relegated back to the Kent Premier League.

So a year after their ground was good enough to host crowds of 100 people they were told it wasn’t fit for the job despite them spending not insignificant sums of improvements. As you can see from above – idyllic. Two small stands, perimeter fencing, floodlights – all ticks in the boxes. The issue was a 1metre wide path around the pitch. It appears that this should have been a metre wide. The club were given until mid June to sort this and they were on track to complete this work when all of a sudden in May the Isthmian League said “sorry but you have been relegated”. You can read more here.

I have no issue with certain criteria needing to be met before clubs can play at a higher level, but the whole March deadline means more than often clubs have to gamble on paying for work on the slim chance they may be promoted. Suppose that your team sits in 10th place in early January, five spots off the play offs but quite a few points away. If you put a run together you could make 5th spot and thus get to the playoffs BUT there is a slim chance you may go up. Only problem is you need to carry out a number of upgrades to the ground at a cost of several thousand pounds. You only have a small window to carry out this work so you go ahead. Two weeks later your team suffers three serious injuries. Then the bad weather starts and your next few home games are cancelled. Sound familiar from the previous few seasons? So extra money is needed just to get a team out yet there is no money coming through the turnstiles. That is the issue. Clubs have to gamble far too early in the season. Why not make the deadline say in May or even later?

What is the difference between playing in front of 75 in Step 5, 100 in Step 4 and 250 in Step 3? Or is this simply rules for the sake of rules?

So there we have it. Nine sensible, logical and workable ideas. But we all know that those three bedfellows do not resonate with the powers that be. I will be sending the whole list to the FA and the respective Non League administrators for their comment, but I doubt I will get a response. But before that I want a number ten. After all a list is not really complete unless it is a top 10 so I want YOUR ideas for the tenth item. We have a few such as change the playoff system so that it involves a team from the league above, change the regionalisation of the leagues and scrap the rule that says all teams over a certain level have to produce a match day programme.

So in the words of Deliah, “Let’s be ‘aving you”

4. All clubs to offer free entry to under 16′s.
Let’s face it, children should not have to pay to watch football. In fact how many actually watch the whole game anyway? Earlier in March I took both of my young children to Chelmsford City. They were charged £3.50 each. £7 for two under ten’s who were then going to spend about the same on snacks, sweets and drinks. They saw no value in the £7. How is charging that amount encouraging parents to bring their children to the games.

Families are being priced out of the professional game. Even in League Two, a child of 7 years old can be charged at up to £10. In the Blue Square Bet Premier some clubs charge up to £7 for juniors which again is far too high.

My reasoning? The pocket money test. Apparently the average weekly pocket money for a ten year old in England is £4.92, well according to the Daily Mail so it’s not 100% correct. In the Fuller household it is £2.50, rising to £3.50 for chores. So according to Crawley Town, if a ten year old wanted to go to a game they will have to pay twice the weekly “salary” of my ten year old. To put that in an adult context, if they charged the same twice the weekly wage to get in then a ticket to watch a Blue Square Bet Premier league game would cost over £1,600!

At the start of this season I did some research on behalf of Lewes FC on ticket prices. The cheapest basic entry in the league was £9, the most expensive £11.50 (Chelmsford City again). But only two clubs offered free entry for the under 16′s – Lewes and Farnborough. Since then a number of clubs have brought in the scheme realising the value it has as a marketing tool.

As Peter Kay said, children are the future so clubs should be doing everything they can to get them in young AND engage with them. It costs the clubs zero, not a bean, zilch, nothing to accommodate a child standing on the terrace, so why charge them at all? You know full well that they will harrang their parent(s) for money to spend when inside so let them in free.

Benefit for the clubs – it boosts their attendance figures, kids will want to come back if you engage with them and they MAY just realise there are more bragging rights at school about being an actual attending Dartford/Boston/Hyde fan than an armchair Spurs/Liverpool/Portsmouth one.

No brainer really, but we all know that some clubs keep their brains in their wallets.

5. Allow fans to be able to drink beer on the terraces whilst watching the game.
On the day that Lewes FC were relegated from the Blue Square Premier in March 2009 a number of fans actually rejoiced as the demotion back to the regional league meant that they could once again enjoy a fine pint of Harveys beer on the terrace. One of the joys of the non league game is being able to have a beer and enjoy the game in front of you.

Not all clubs are allowed, or even allow fans to drink outside of their club houses for a number of reasons. It may be down to specific licencing regulations, it may be down to covenants on the ground or it may simply be because they do not trust their fans to behave. I would hope it is not the latter, but there does seem to be some huge inconsistencies on the regulations regarding alcohol and watching non league football. So let’s make it simple. Allow beer to be drunk on the terraces at all games.

I simply do not see what the issue is? We covered this recently on TBIR here so have a read of that as well.

Bar staff can still refuse to serve fans who appear to be already under the influence, the club boosts its revenues as instead of a mad rush in the fifteen minutes of half time trade will be more spread out and their premises becomes more appealing to breweries for promotions.

We’ve seen a number of large travelling groups of support down at The Dripping Pan this season. Dartford came in their hundreds, drank lots, sang lots and thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Ditto Chelmsford City and Woking. One of the reasons was that Lewes is seen as a “good day out” in their calendar – and one reason is the fact you can have a beer whilst you watch the game. Ditto The Beveree, home of Hampton & Richmond Borough.

Let’s assume that you have a crowd of 500. Of those, 250 are having a beer. A sensible (chortle) man may have a beer every thirty minutes, so they may have 3 during the game. A beer costs £3.50, of which the club makes £1. So allowing alcohol on the terraces is worth in this case 250 x 3 x £1 = £750, times 24 games (league plus a couple of cups) = £18,000 profit for the club. If it is not allowed then this number will be reduced dramatically.

I am not going to get into this whole cricket/rugby debate as to why they can drink whilst a game is going on and at football you cannot. Test matches go on for 7/8 hours but alcohol is served for the whole period (bar a one hour “cooling off period” after lunch) without any issue at all. 23,500 pissed up people at an Ashes test at the Oval or 100 watching Worthing versus Ramsgate? Which one poses the biggest issue? Well apparently the latter as alcohol would not be allowed to be served for such a game at the A2B Arena.

One final point…The FA Trophy and Vase. The cup competition for steps 1 to 7 in the Non League pyramid. Step 1 (Blue Square Bet Premier) clubs do not allow fans to drink in sight of the pitch….yet the competition is sponsored by….Carlsberg. Insert your own “if Carlsberg did” tag lines there.

6. Play the FA Trophy and FA Vase at Wembley on the same day.
Last May Wembley Stadium hosted seven “cup finals” plus an England International. The level of criticism that was aimed at the FA for playing so much football on a poor pitch was understandable, but they claimed they could do nothing about it. Well, with the UEFA cash cow rolling into town this year it is amazing to see that they have bent over backwards to ensure the pitch is used sparingly prior to the showpeice event.

Two particular events do not need separate dates in the calendar. The FA Trophy and Vase competitions are worthwhile for the clubs who play in them, but do they really need to be played at Wembley on different days? Look at the attendances for each in the past three seasons:-

FA Trophy
2010 – Barrow 2 Stevenage Borough 1 – 21,223
2009 – Stevenage Borough 2 York City 0 – 27,102
2008 – Ebbsfleet United 1 Torquay United 0 – 40,186

FA Vase
2010 – Whitley Bay 6 Wroxham 1 – 8,920
2009 – Whitley Bay 2 Glossup North End 0 – 12,212
2008 – Kirkham & Wesham 2 Lowestoft Town 1 – 18,000

So in a good year the combined attendance is less than 60,000 or two thirds of the stadium. Last season it was half of that. How difficult would it be to play both games on the same day? Make it a real Non league day out – a celebration of the grass roots. Wembley can easily cope. The stadium can be segregated in a number of ways, the changing rooms are big enough to cope with two NFL teams plus their huge entourages so four football teams will not be an issue, and then the ground staff have an extra day in the calendar to repair the pitch.

In fact the FA could actively encourage neutral fans to the finals day. Last season ticket prices for the FA Trophy ranged from £25 to £45. Eventual winners Barrow AFC charge visitors to their fantastic Holker Street ground £13.and For the FA Vase they were £25 for Adults and £12.50 for concessions. Again, call me old fashioned, but why should Kings Lynn (semi finalists this year)or Barrow fans be expected to pay almost 4 x as much for a final ticket as they would for a semi final one at their ground? But if you make it a double header then there is value in the combined ticket – £30 for two games at Wembley Stadium.

And whilst we are at it, why not give every club in steps 1 to 7 (aka all the teams that could make it to either final) some free tickets to give away for the finals day? This season a total of 815 teams entered the combined competitions. If we assume that a maximum of 60,000 tickets are allocated to the four finalists, and that 10,000 tickets are used for segregation and the corporate bunnies, that leaves 20,000 that could be distributed. Give each club 20 tickets to be distributed or used as competition prizes. Fill up the stadium, make it a real Non league day out. 9,000 people who have paid £25, sitting in a stadium for 90,000 is not a good day out irrespective of the result.

The third and final part will be published next week.

This really is a different country. After I left the M1 I passed exotic places I had only ever seen on the Northern League website. Stockbridge Park Steels, Glossop North End and Retford United were all passed on the way although the weather up on the moors was not really conducive to playing football. With just 10 miles left to go on the SatNav I was driving past fields of snow and minus 2 degrees.

But these areas have a strange effect on the climate and as I descended the A628 and into Hyde all was well with the world and “drizzle” had restored normality. I found Hyde’s Ewen Field ground with relative ease, parked up and took a moment to have a wander around the stadium hoping to bump into the club’s President Sir Geoff Hurst, who of course won the World Cup for England in 1966. For all you kids out there who don’t know it was actually West Ham who won the FA Cup in that year and not England. Long story but your Dad will tell you I am sure.

Hyde are a very interesting case study of a football club in transition. A few years ago they were struggling to make ends meet, playing as Hyde United in their red and white kit, almost an homage to Manchester United a few miles around the M60. On 24 September 2009, the club was officially wound up at the High Court in London, with debts of around £120,000 to HM Revenue and Customs.

Over the next few days major fund-raising efforts by the club officials, supporters and players, which included a bucket collection at a Manchester City Premier League match, sufficient funds were raised for an appeal to be lodged against the High Court decision. The appeal was heard on 30 September 2009, and the original decision was reversed and they were allowed to live to fight another day.

Two years later they have dropped the United and changed their kit to the original white and blue. Are you thinking what we are all thinking? Yes, there has been a City hand in this.

A few weeks ago when we mused on the demise of Leyton we suggested that local sides such as West Ham United and Leyton Orient had been notable by their absence in helping out their non league neighbour. The same could not be said for Manchester City and Hyde.

Go onto Hyde’s official website and the first thing that will strike you apart from the sky blue design is the similarity of the club badges. Look on the left hand side menu and there is a heading for Manchester City. The world’s richest club play their Elite Squad (posh name for reserves) games at Hyde’s Ewen Fields. The clubs are in a “partnership” which has see Hyde’s ground undergo a complete makeover thanks to the help from Man City. The stands all look freshly painted (in dark City blue), the team wear a kit that is almost a spitting image of an old City one, and they are sponsored by CITC – City In The Community. The one stipulation they had was that only adverts related to City could be displayed around the ground – hence the ones for Etihad, Umbro, Etisalat.

So why did City chose Hyde, and not more local teams such as Droylsden? Well it appears that Tameside had a need for such work in the local community and a significant part of City’s support comes from this area, a throwback to playing a few miles away at Maine Road.

I think it is an excellent idea, and whilst some other clubs look on jealously, what is clear is that this is no “Sugar Daddy” investment scenario. Man City do not pump money into the club. They have helped Hyde build a base to grow on.

The club have been in the Conference North for five seasons now, seemingly stalled in their charge up the divisions. They won back to back promotions from the Northern Leagues in 2003 and 2004. It all looked to have come to a sticky end in 2008/09 when Hyde finished the season in 20th place and were due to be relegated, but were spared when Kings Lynn were demoted for failing to ensure that their home ground met Conference North standards.

This season they had struggled again so far, falling into the relegation fight with our old friends Gainsborough Trinity and Stafford Rangers. The visitors, Stalybridge Celtic had travelled all of 4.3 miles for this local derby and were in much better shape than the hosts sitting in 13th place.

Stalybridge had brought a fair few fans down the road and started making a decent noise from the moment they arrived. Unusually for Non League grounds the home fans took up a spot on the side of the ground and let the away ones have the ends behind the goals. As the teams came out a quick scan of the programme revealed no ex-League stars, although I am sure Villa may have a word or two if it was the real Ashley Young lining up for Hyde.

Hyde FC 0 Stalybridge Celtic 2 – Ewan Fields – Monday 21st February 2011
Both sets of fans got into the ritual derby abuse from kick off. a perfectly observed minute’s silence was ended with a blow on the referees whistle and a shout of “Sheepshaggers”, which had the retort of “Does your carer know you’re here”. Original to say the least.

The game wasn’t a classic to be brutally honest. It was interesting to compare the standard between this game and Lewes’s most recent ones which according to the pyramid should be about the same. I would say that from what I have seen the Blue Square Bet South is stronger all the way down, perhaps apart from Alfreton Town at the top whose direct style of play has left them in second place in this league, seven points off the top but with a mere eight games in hand.

The major incidents in the opening quarter were all tackle related. Stalybridge Celtic’s Tim Ryan being the first player in the book after just a two minutes. They then lost full back and captain Glenn Rule after he failed to recover from a shuddering tackle. One player who didn’t shirk any challenge was Hyde’s Scott McNiven, with his “robust” frame. He was taunted in the first half by the Celtic fans with a repertoire of songs such as “Diet in a minute, he’s gonna diet in the minute”, “Who ate McDonald’s” and “I predict a diet”.

The first real chance didn’t materialise until the twentieth minute when Phil Marsh shot just wide for Celtic. Five minutes later he made no mistake though, running onto a ball over the top of the flat back four and slotting the ball through Kyle Clancy’s legs. Danny Hudson then saw his shot well saved at the other end but the half ended with a whimper rather than a bang.

One cup of tea and a check on the West Ham score later and we were back off again. Celtic looked more fluid in the second period after manager Jim Harvey brought on Callum Warburton.

Stephen Brogan came close to a second when his effort hit the woodwork. It was a surprise that the second goal took so long in coming really, and most of the home fans sensed it would arrive at some point.

A ball over the top saw a one on one for Celtic and as the forward rounded the keeper he was brought down. There was a covering defender by referee Ackermann deemed it a professional foul and sent off Clancy much to his disgust. With all of the substitutes all used up the players looked to each other to see who would draw the short straw and go in goal. Step forward McNiven who put on the gloves and had his moment to make his name from the spot kick.

Unfortunately the ball moves faster than McNiven could and Brogan made it two nil and ended any fight that Hyde had left in them. Surprisingly Celtic then took their foot off the gas and decided not to test McNiven in goal. The last action of the game was a second red card for Hyde as Manship was given his marching orders in injury time for a foul.

For me it was time to head back over the Pennines. My journey time was extended as I ended up following a police vehicle for a while. Nothing wrong with that you may think, but this was a Police tractor. I kid you not! Of course I could have taken a picture of this but that would have been illegal, and as you know, I do not do illegal.

So day four and three games down. One day left and a trip southish to Grantham, birthplace of the most famous women in the world.

More pictures from the game can be found at our Flickr feed here.

We sent out a carrier pigeon to the nearby town of Gainsborough, and a few hours later it returned saying “eh up lads, game is on”. So we were off, following road signs confusingly for a place called “Gainsboro’ “. It seems the local councils up here realised that by saving 2 letters off every road sign they could make enough money each year for their Christmas party. We drove through the flat Lincolnshire countryside, passing a second ex-Little Chef that had been converted into an Adult Shop (the 1st FYI is on the A1 going south just after Grantham). The poor locals must get terribly confused. One day they would be popping down for nibble on a muffin and the next, well , they could have a nibble on a muff in(side).

Northern Steve is a bit of an expert on Gainsborough. He used to work there and in fact is responsible in some ways for its financial prosperity today. And by that I mean it now has a Next. A few years ago you could buy a house here for less than £10,000. Need a mortgage sir? No just a personal loan. Those days have changed and now a two up two down will cost you the price of a BMW X5, second hand with one careful WAG owner.

The football ground is just a throw of a bottle of cheap alcopop away from the town centre. Northolme sounds so grand, conjuring up images of a stately home on the side of a river. Sorry to ruin your dream but the home of “Trinity” is not quite as utopian. It has one small stand, which is named the Ping stand after the sponsorship of the local and world famous golf equipment manufacturers, a covered terrace opposite and one behind the goal and then an open terrace at the west end of the stadium.

The club had tried to build some interest in this important game and ticket prices were just £5 for adults, a saving of 50% (“Still £6 too much if you ask me” said one of the locals as we went in). However the main draw in these parts is league football and with Lincoln City (playing Chesterfield), Scunthorpe (playing Derby) and Nottingham Forest all at home it was going to be a tough job raising the average attendance by more than a few local armchair fans. Top marks for the club for trying something in the worrying times for the non leagues.

We parked in one of the side streets near the ground and it was disappointing that nobody wanted to “mind our motor” as we would have paid for the privilege in the “interesting” street. It has to be said that the noise coming from inside the stadium was impressive. Music and chat drifting out of the ground and filling the streets all around. The reason for that was some bloke had essentially set up his Saturday night disco kit (Dave’s Wheels of Steel – Weddings, Birthdays, Bar Mitzvahs, Wakes and Getting Out parties all catered for) on the terraces with his two huge speakers plonked down on the terrace.

The crowd was an interesting mix. The old school hardcore Trinity fans all congregated around the halfway line. And by old school I meant they went to a very old school. A very traditional cloth cap support base who have probably seen the lot standing on the terrace. There was even someone with a pipe! When was the last time you saw a pipe at a football match? And then behind the goal was a group of young chaps and their “birds”, who had obviously been treated to a morning of shopping in Rodeo Drive Gainsborough style with their Matalan and Poundland bags. Still they were at least vocal and a few had scarves which at least shows there is some engagement between the club and the young fans.

The visitors were Stafford Rangers who were in more Dire Straits than Mark Knopfler. Sitting in 20th place, one spot below Gainsborough but six points behind. After the early season sad demise of Ilkeston Town, the league only has 21 sides meaning that relegation this year will depend on who comes down from the Blue Square Bet Premier. At the current time it looks like it will be only one northern side (Altrincham) which would mean the number of teams relegated would be up in the air. They were once a mighty force in the Non Leagues, and were one of the clubs that could name Stan Collymore as an ex-player.

Good old Stan has now moved onto presenting on TalkSport, talking crap to the nation. On the way to this game he told the listening public that “watching a football match streamed on the internet was illegal”. Really? So al of those people who subscribe to Sky TV Mobile are watching the games illegally? Buying services from people like FilmOn is illegal? He had obviously been reading up before his presentation beforehand as he used the phrase “The genie is now out of the bottle FOUR times in one rant”…world class.

Brian Little is manager of Trinity these days. The same Ian Lavender lookalike (as your Mum and Dad about Private Pike in Dads’ Army kids) who once took Aston Villa to 5th place and into Europe twice. Quite how he fell so spectacularly is hard to fathom but here he is today planning strategies against the likes of Vauxhall Motors, Guiseley and Solihull Moors as opposed to Xamax Neuchantel, Spartak Trvana and FC Jazz. He came over to have a chat with us post game as we watched the teams warm up. “Alright lads, how’s it going?” I think we had a look of continental scouts from Azerbaijan looking for the next manager of FC Baku which tempted him to come and chat….

Gainsborough Trinity 2 Stafford Rangers 2 – Northolme – Saturday 20th February 2011
The teams came out, not from the same tunnel, but one from each side of the main stand. This must cause some confusion for the officials as they are only three of them so one team will get “favoured” with two of them. At the old Belle Vue ground in Doncaster they got round this issue by having a THIRD tunnel for the officials. After a minute’s silence for the passing of the old club chairman the game started. The poor weather meant that passing along the ground was impossible. With both sides fielding centre backs that made the England rugby back row look “slight” the ball rarely saw the ground in the opening exchanges.

The away team took the lead in the 5th minute when Niall Maguire got his head to a Edwards corner, sending the Trinity faithful into further depths of depression. “Bugger off Little”, “Little wonder we are so shyte” and “We have Little chance of winning anything with you in charge” were some of the comments aimed at the managers. You can never get tired of Little-based comments can you.

With time running out in the half we headed out of the “magic door” and into the bar next door where for just £2.30 we enjoyed a smooth pint of Mitchell & Butler’s Blueberry Ale. “Smells like blueberry, tastes like blueberry but doesn’t have the feminine purple colour”. A fair summation from Northern Steve who likes to be seen as a man when he is out and about in the bars of North Hykeham. We also found out that we had missed Trinity’s equaliser, apparently a soft penalty given for a foul by keeper Lee Evans on Liam Mettam. McMahon slotted home the spot kick.

Talking of Lee Evans, there was a venue being advertised in the programme called, The Venue. As a typical regional “entertainment” venue (think The Phoenix club in Phoenix Nights) I expect the odd tribute band such as Blurasis, YouToo and Take Twat. But a Lee Evans “tribute” comedy act? Really? Why not just put on a DVD of him? Surely it is just copying his jokes?

So we came back through the magic door and bought our Pukka Pies, and damn nice they were too. As we put our extra gravy on there was a cheer and behind us Gainsborough had taken the lead as midfielder Peat unleashed a volley from 35 yards out (not my words but that of Ron – more of him to come). Two goals in one game is a bit of a rarity here.

We had a wander around the ground and popped into the club shop. Lots of Gainsborough goodies to be had here and all reasonably priced. We were approached by the woman who ran it who told us the story about the yellow away scarves. Apparently at a recent away game, Ron (see he’s a big man in these parts) took 28 in his rucksack and sold them all! As if on cue Ron came in and told us if we thought a yellow beanie hat would sell well. Before we could answer a long ball wasn’t dealt with by the Gainsborough defence allowing Stafford’s Clarke to run unchallenged on goal before squaring for Levi Reid to tap home. “Bloomin’ ‘eck” roared Ron, slamming his hand against the wall. I could see cats being kicked all the way home later so we made our excuses and left.

The last few minutes saw both teams threatening, with Gainsborough’s cause not helped by the two yellow cards given to Paul Mayo to complete a nightmare game for him as he was at fault for the Stafford second goal.

A draw with help for neither team, but for Northern Steve and me we had the privilege of football, beer and a pie for less than a tenner – surely the whole trinity?

Onwards and upwards as the next stop on our roadtrip is the Manchester suburb of Hyde for a Blue Square Bet North local derby. We can’t wait!

For more pictures from the day click here to view our Flickr feed.

Blue Square Premier
Only three teams were relegated last year after Chester city withdrew mid-season so four teams have been promoted – namely Newport County and Bath City from Blue Square South, and Southport and Fleetwood from Blue Square North.  Added to this are Darlington and Grimsby Town from Football League Two.  For some reason York City are “to be determined” which sounds ominous although no one we spoke to at Wembley on Sunday could tell us why.

Then Salisbury City were demoted to the Zameretto League thus meaning Forest Green Rovers got a reprieve – understand yet?

Blue Square South

So with two going up and the 3 W’s going down (Weymouth, Weston and Worcester) this one should have been relatively simple right?  Er not quite.  Ebbsfleet United and Forest Green Rovers have joined from the Premier, setting up the mouth watering prospect of the return of the Dartford v Ebbsfleet derby and the former were promoted as champions from the Rymans League.  Joining them, still in my book controversially, is Boreham Wood who seem to have been forgiven for the behaviour of their fans in the Play Off final versus Kingstonians.  Also coming up are Farnborough Town as Zamaretto League Champions.  Oh and then Weston got a reprieve!

Blue Square North

So this is where the fun starts.  Firstly the league welcomes Unibond promotees Guiseley and Boston United, but to even up the numbers again Vauxhall Motors and Harrogate Town who were the two relegated teams last season have earnt a reprieve.  Added to this Worcester City, who were in theory relegated from the Blue Square South have been moved to this league.  Oh how I am sure they will relish the trips to the likes of Workington and Blyth Spartans.  Nuneaton Town also join the league after winning the Zamaretto League Play Off.  Leaving the league is Northwich Victoria who despite a mid table finish last term have been told they are not welcome in the league.

Rymans (Isthmian) Premier
A couple of changes from the normal here.  Bury Town switch from the Zamaretto League and Margate earn a reprieve from relegation to be joined by promotees Lowestofty, Concord Rangers, Croydon Athletic and Folkestone Invicta.  What this does mean is than no teams join the league from the Blue Square South.

Zamaretto (Southern) League
So apart from Bury Town’s switch to the Ryman’s league, Tiverton Town get a reprieve from relegation and are joined by Weymouth and Weston-Super-Mare from the Blue Square South as well as promotees Chesham Town, Cirencester Town and Windsor & Eaton who probably had their eye on a spot in the Rymans.

Evostick (Northern) Premier
New sponsor, same old league as Northwich join the party along with resurgent FC Halifax Town, Colwyn Bay, FA specialists Chasetown and Mickleover Sports.  Ossett Town earn a reprieve to balance the numbers up.

I could go down one step further but for the sake of brevity I will keep it at steps 1-3.  However, there are two notable items just below this.

Firstly, VCD Athletic, the club borne out of the Vickers ammunition works in Crayford, Kent have been thrown out of the Ryman’s League, pending appeal, due to not having the required ground grading in time.  We visited their lovely little ground last year and for the level of football they play could not fault it at all.  Lets hope sense prevails and they get their place back – after all last season they were only a few points off the play off spots in their first season at that level.

Secondly, and more newsworthy is the fact that one name is glaringly missing – Grays Athletic.  Obviously relegated last season from the Blue Square Premier and homeless after their Recreation Ground was sold from under their feet, they had planned on entering the Ryman’s league with a ground share at East Thurrock United.  But that does not seem to have satisfied the FA who have simply not included them anywhere.  Any changes now would require some drastic re-organisations so it must be assumed that they will be starting in Step 5 in the Essex Senior Leagues – quite a come down for a side who had so much non-league success only a handful of seasons ago.  It will remain to be seen whether the high profile ex-West Ham management team of John Moncur, Julian Dicks and Kenny Brown will remain at the club.  We did try and contact someone at the club, and at the Ryman’s league but nobody answered the phone to comment.

Obviously the FA are free to change this at their whim without any explanation but for now it seems that all clubs entering the season are doing so on a stable financial footing.  We shall see.

The next step is the publication of the fixtures in July which will be eagerly awaited by many – Ebbsfleet United v Dartford and Gloucester City v Worcester City are two derbies thrown up by the new structure and will be ones TBIR will be reporting from next season.  We can’t wait!

STOP PRESS
Very strong rumour heard over meatballs at Thurrock Ikea this morning is that a merger with East Thurrock United is the likely result for Grays Athletic and thus a spot in the Ryman’s Div 1 North…or Billericay Town….