Dartford came close to making the step from the Non Leagues to the Football League on a number of occasions, the last one was in 1974 after they won the Southern League, and reached the final of the FA Trophy.  Ten years later, after the formation of the Football Alliance (basically now the Blue Square Bet Premier), they finished third, the highest place they have finished in their history.  Since then it was a tale of woe that saw them penniless and homeless in a space of a few years.  A nomadic existence followed at places like Erith, Thurrock and Gravesend before a local council with a vision stepped in, finding them a home back in the town.

Not just any old home though.  Must has been written, and awards have been won for the 4,100 capacity Princes Park, just over half a mile away from the old ground (now of course houses) in Watling Street.  You can read all about what makes the stadium so different here but suffice to say its bloody marvellous.  Just a few months before the ground was opened in 2006, Terry Burnham was re-appointed as manager with the club in the lower reaches of the Southern League.  Since they have never looked back, rising through the leagues until they reached the Blue Square Bet South for the start of the 2010/11 season.

This season has been their best yet.  An epic battle with eventual champions Woking went to the last games of the season, whilst average attendances have top 1,200 – the best the club has had for three decades.  But it is still not a finished job.  One game is left.  One game that would shape the season.  One game that would take them back to where they were nearly 40 years ago in that elite group of Non League clubs.

Standing in their way was Welling United from just down the A2.  The Wings themselves were looking to return to the top level of Non League football where they had played for a magnificent fourteen seasons up until 1999/2000 season.  They had a corker of a season as well, finishing in third place under the guidance of highly rated manager Jamie Day.

To say this was the biggest game Kent had seen in years was an understatement.  As soon as the two clubs won their semi-finals against Basingstoke Town and Sutton United respectively, all the talk was of this one.  Tickets went on sale for just 10 hours.  4,100 of them were snapped up, making it the first sell out at the ground since the opening fixture back in November 2006.

Fortunately, CMF had been employed to camp out at the ground all night to be one of the first to get our tickets.  Don’t worry – I made her some soup and bought her a copy of Women’s Own to read.  It didn’t rain that much anyway so all was well as she came home on Wednesday, slammed four tickets on the table and disappeared up to the bedroom.  Danny, Deaks and Dave would be pleased.

Win this game and you would be swapping an away trip in front of 200 to the likes of Weston-super-Mare or Thurrock for Lincoln City, Grimsby Town or Hereford United.  The revenue gap between the two leagues is huge, and that is why it is sometimes a step too far for some clubs, such as Bath City and Hayes & Yeading, although both Dartford and Welling United can take comfort from the excellent progress made by Braintree Town this season in the Premier after promotion.

For such a local game it we were letting the train take the strain.  Just a twenty minute from TBIR Towers to Dartford would give us plenty of time for a spot of culture.  Perhaps a visit up to East Hill to see the site of the former City of London Lunatic Asylum (they called apples, apples back in the day), then onto York Road where the Duke of York surrendered to King Henry VI and finally to Powder Mill Lane, where of course we all remember John Spillman set up the first paper mill in England back in 1588. Alas, we had tried to get access to the little known Dartford Cable Tunnel, which runs under the Thames to Essex and is owned by the National Grid but our request to “leapfrog the Thames” had been flatly refused.  So instead we had to make do with such fine historical establishments as the Malt Shovel, The Wat Tyler and the Rose which was once owned by larger than life Darts player Andy Fordham.

Dartford 1 Welling United 0 – Princes Park – Sunday 13th May 2012
I am always confused as to in which games it is the performance or the result are more important.  This was certainly one game where it was all about the result, which was quite fortunate because as a spectacle it failed to live up to the pre-game hype and the explosive start that Dartford made.

The game had been sold out for days and to be honest we expected some sort of chaos outside the ground.  Being English we of course left the pub with twenty minutes to go and got to the ground with a few minutes to spare.  But it seemed that the vast majority of the 4,088 crowd were already in situ.  For the first time in what seems like months I was going to be watching a game in England with the sun shining.  After all, the cricket season was only 6 weeks old!

As soon as we found a spot on the terrace underneath the big wooden man Dartford took the lead with a goal worthy of winning any play off final.  Lee Noble picked the ball up in midfield after just two and a half minutes, took the ball forward and fired the ball from 25 yards into the bottom corner of the Welling net. Bosh…First blood to the Darts.

One should have been two a few minutes later when the direct approach from the home side saw the ball find Bradbrook unmarked in the six yard box but he headed wide.  Welling then found their rhythm although it was a little bit in the style of Stoke City.  There seemed to be far too many end passes hit long and high to no one in particular and whilst Welling won the half in terms of percentages, the score reflected the chances on goal.

We headed up in the Princess Suite for some half time refreshments.  The licencing laws in this country are truly bizarre.  Whilst beer could be served in this huge bar, blinds were pulled down to stop anyone looking at the game.  You could peer around the edge of the blinds and get a sneak view, but woe betide anyone who tried to raise the blinds even an inch.  Tut tut.  With one of the most exciting Premier League campaigns unfolding on the huge TV screens quite a few fans decided to stay in the bar, meaning we got their front row seats. Nice!

The second half was more of the same.  Welling tried to push forward but the solid Darts defence more often than not repelled borders. Despite player/manager Jamie Day trying to change the rhythm of the game, Dartford looked too strong.

Despite our intention not to let events elsewhere affect our viewing pleasure, it was hard not to keep an interested ear and eye on the top of the Premier League.  Even the Darts players had an interest as one of them asked what the latest scores were when he came over to take a throw, looking in disbelief when we told him QPR were winning at Man City.  Four minutes of injury time were displayed and despite a late rally by the Wings, Dartford held firm and I do not think I have seen anyone run so quick as the referee as he headed for the tunnel, blowing the whistle as he ran down the tunnel.  Good to see solidarity with his linesmen who stayed on the pitch trying to retrieve the ball.

Dartford were promoted.  They had finished second on merit and were now going up to the top level of non league football after a 26 year gap. Manager Tony Burman has very carefully and cleverly built a team that can compete at every level they have played and you can see that some of the work is already in place for next season.

As for Welling? Another great season punching above a number of teams who have more financial resources (Chelmsford City and Havant to name but two).  They would be back I am sure next season when the competitive landscape without Woking and Dartford (and with Bath and Hayes coming in opposite direction) is easier.  But who knows what Non League football will throw up.

• Create partnerships between Premier/Football League clubs and local Non League clubs
• Play the county cup competitions at the end of the season
• Flexibility on when the leagues end
• All non league clubs to offer free entry to Under 16s
• Allow alcohol to be drunk on the terraces
• Play the FA Trophy and Vase as a double header on the same day at Wembley Stadium
• Make Non League Day a permanent feature in the calendar
• Alleviate the financial catch 22 of promotion
• Scrap the ground grading farce

However, all was not lost.  The Rooks had to chance to show their “bouncebackability” with another home cup tie.  And not just any old cup tie.  One against Eastbourne Borough, sworn enemies, deadly rivals and pretenders to the title “Best Non League team in Sussex”.

The Sussex Senior Cup is a strange competition.  The bigger clubs (i.e Crawley Town and Brighton & Hove Albion) rarely take it seriously, yet every year it is the same story.  The former seem to be eliminated early, the latter in for the duration despite fielding essentially a reserve team.  Last season Lewes lost in the quarter finals at home to Brighton & Hove Albion, thus denying themselves the chance to reach the final, which was played at The Amex.  This year, wins over Wick and East Grinstead had sent up a mouth-watering tie with Eastbourne Borough.  The winners would join Crawley Down, Whitehawk and the winner of the BHA v Bognor Regis Town game in the draw for the semi-final.

Brighton & Hove Albion had reached the final of the last five competitions, winning four. In fact it was Lewes who were the last team to break this run back in 2006 when they beat Horsham.

Lewes hadn’t met Eastbourne Borough since New Year’s Day in 2009 when they met in the Conference Premier.  Both teams had been promoted from the Blue Square South the previous season – Lewes as winners and Boro via the play offs.  Those two games over the Christmas period had attracted near 5,000 fans.  How both would love half of that now.

The clubs have lived almost parallel lives in the past season.  Both were relegated last year – Eastbourne Borough from the Blue Square Bet Premier, and Lewes from the South division.  More recently both had become manager-less as Eastbourne decided to part company with their management team who in part had been at the helm for over a decade.  But whatever the circumstances both sets of fans wanted to get one over on the “old enemy”.

We were expecting a decent crowd.  Obviously this was a “minor” cup competition in the eyes of many fans and we would normally only expect a few hundred.  However, the draw of the derby-day atmosphere was certain to bring a few more through the gate.  But perhaps the real compelling event would be the lure of the Lewes burger.  Last week The Guardian Food and Drink supplement no less had spoken about the Lewes Organic burger being “the best fast food he has come across so far. The club spends more on its chefs that it does on players”- The Guardian Food and Drink – 18th January 2012

Lewes 1 Eastbourne Borough 2 – The Dripping Pan – Wednesday 25th January 2012
For 94 minutes this was a classic cup tie full of passion (on and off the pitch), hard tackles, goal mouth incidents and a decent atmosphere created by 637 fans.  And then, the curse of the Dripping Pan struck again.  Just as we had seen so many times (in fact twice already in January) we concede a late goal.  Not quite a Horsham late goal, but still deep into injury time.  Unlike the Horsham game this one was the knock-out box.  With the game poised to enter Extra Time, Eastbourne Borough took all of the spoils and dumped Lewes on their backsides and out of the Sussex Senior Cup.

Pre-match had been a juggling act for new boss Simon Wormull.  I arrived at the group at 4pm to find him busy on his phone trying to work out the formation.  With our only goal keeping option, Rikki Banks, on loan from Eastbourne Borough and thus not able to play, he had managed to pull in a young Polish keeper to make his debut (Pawel would later dislocate his finger in the warm up, yet in true British Bulldog spirit simply taped it up and carried on playing).  He brought in a number of the impressive youth team players and leading from the front, named himself on the bench. The spirit of the team of 2008 was not yet dead.

The opening exchanges were fast and frantic.  Eastbourne had the better of the opening exchanges but then the Lewes midfield got hold of the ball, and Mel Kamara started powering forward from midfield.  In a space of a few first half minutes Michael Malcolm showed that when luck is not on your side, nothing rolls for you.  First he powered a header against the inside of the post, with the Eastbourne keeper stranded and then he saw his goal-bound toe poke trickle slowly towards an unguarded net only for it to be cleared by a last gasp sliding tackle.  Half time – all square in love and war.

The Eastbourne fans had come in good voice, although some of them had obviously brought the “Football Fans song book from Green Street” with some of their chanting.  Chaps – it’s a Sussex Senior Cup game not Millwall v West Ham.  A chant of “No one likes us” made me chuckle as I recalled an away game back in April 2009 when they played at Altrincham which I saw where the home fans all clapped the 13 supporters who had made the trip on a cold Tuesday night – see someone does love you!

Ten minutes into the second period Eastbourne took the lead when a misjudged throw from the Lewes keeper fell straight at the feet of Matt Crabb and he sent the ball back over his head into the net.  Lewes doubled their efforts with the impressive Harding always looking dangerous and Malcolm seeing efforts blocked by last gasp defending.  Finally Lewes got their reward when Nanetti was brought down by the Eastbourne keeper Masters.  With no covering defender and Nanetti not going away from goal it was bizarre that the referee (interestingly sharing the same unusual surname as an Eastbourne player) did not even book the keeper.  Good job Hansen et al didn’t see it as we would still be discussing it now.  Booth stepped up and dispatched the millionth penalty of the season for Lewes and it was game on.  

We were in for a frantic final period with both teams having chances but failing to really test the keeper.  Four minutes of injury time were announced, and with the clock showing 93:47 Ciardini’s sliced clearance fell to Ben Watson who thumped the ball home.

Lewes can feel hard done by to lose so late on, but in these games there always has to be a winner.  This was one of the best performances of the season without a doubt and with more luck the scoreline would have been more favourable.  But that is football.  This is a team in transition and most of the fans appreciated the spirit, effort and hard work of the players as they made their way off the pitch.  The Sussex Senior Cup will just have to wait another season.

Staines. Probably most famous for being the setting to the Ali G movie, however to the council this is more hindrance rather than help. So much so, they changed the name to Staines-Upon-Thames. However to most people it is, ‘the staines massive’, home to Staines Town FC, Blue Square Bet South. Evidence of the football club not being bothered by tagline can be seen on their website, www.stainesmassive.info

Staines have been in the Conference South for the past two seasons, finishing a superb 8th in their first season and 15th last season. Hopes are high amongst management that this could be a good season, they have kept the nucleus of the squad from last season and added a few additions, most notably Dave Wheeler from Lewes (ED – OUR Dave Wheeler), helped by the fact he’s studying at Brunel university and relocating to the area. They have lost their most promising player in Mario Quiassaca, who had his contract terminated immediately after being named and shamed as taking part in the recent riots in London.

When I flew the nest of Gillingham and moved to ‘the massive’ five months ago, I found myself living in a house a stones throw from Wheatsheaf Park, a nice perk when needing my fix of non-league football. This was first weekend I have had since starting a new job, so was fully intent on watching any football, so off I trundled down to the ‘Beehive’ pub for Saturdays lunch time kick off of Arsenal v Liverpool. Having been suitably bored, I looked up who Staines were playing and low and behold they were at home to Salisbury City. Better yet still, entry was FREE.

However this free entry was tinged with the sadness that their long-serving Chairman Alan Boon had passed away and his family’s gesture was to allow free entry to everyone to this game. I could not turn this opportunity down of watching what my local team is now for free.

I stepped in Wheatsheaf Park expecting a few hundred in the ground due to the inclement weather, however to my surprise the ground was abuzz with many young kids getting their 1st taste of live football, seasoned ‘Swans’ fans, families and the expected crazy old guy who has supported them since year dot. The ground itself is very nice indeed, 300 covered seats, 800 covered terrace and plenty of space to stand behind the goal and sidelines, it could easily hold 3000. In fact their biggest crowd was set in 2007 against Stockport County in the 1st round of FA Cup, standing at 2862. Their average attendance last season was around 2-300 people, in fact their commercial manager recently made this plea to stay away fans: ‘We have one of the best grounds in the league, where families can come and enjoy a game of football without subjecting their kids to bad language or behavior that often occurs at a higher level.’ Having seen the game, I can tell you there was its fair share of fruity language.

STAINES TOWN 0 SALISBURY CITY 1 – WHEATSHEAF PARK – SATURDAY 20TH AUGUST 2011
I walked through the turnstiles and soon found the programme seller. £3 for the match day programme, but this wasn’t just any programme. Oh no, this was the winner of Blue Square South programme of year 2011 and you can see why. Stacked full of content, from previous game reviews to a big interview with their new signing David Wheeler.

The teams were lined up on pitch as the stadium announcer introduced the Boon family to crowd with a touching speech about his life and then followed by one minutes of applause. The pitch itself was in superb condition and with the earlier rain, looked like a footballers dream pitch.

Having been soaked from the walk from the pub, I found a seat in the covered stand. As soon as I sat down, the sun came out. I sat there with my notepad and pen (pretending to look important) and started taking down names and numbers from the programme only to find out all the numbers for the Salisbury players and names in fact were incorrect. I did get hold of a team sheet to correct myself so alls well. Anyway, on with the game.

Salisbury started with a 4-5-1 formation with a big Jake Reid up top and Matthew Wright playing just behind. Staines went with a standard 4-4-2 formation. The opening stages very scrappy and the only bit of action, barring a man falling up the stairs, was a good save by the Staines number 1 Louis Wells saving from a terrible defensive header almost nestling in the top corner. The first corner kick came on 15 minutes, the ball spending more time off the pitch than on it. In the 41st minute we were treated to the first shot by either team, coming from Callum Hart (ex-Bournemouth), a daisy cutter from 25 yards comfortable for the keeper. And that was first half. Sounds exciting hey?

At half time, I made my way to the burger bar for the obligatory burger and Bovril. I’m delighted to say the burger was huge and handsome. The Bovril in case you’re wondering was standard. The Salisbury players came out 5 minutes early and took part in some drills. The same drills teams do before a game, an odd thing to see I thought but it turned out to be a masterstroke by their manager Darrell Clarke.

Salisbury came out all guns blazing, passing the ball around and stretching the game from side to side and the on the 51st minute the breakthrough came. In fortuitous conditions I have to say, the ball passed back to the swans goalie, his clearance charged down by Matthew Wright and rebounding into the top corner. Salisbury 1-0 up and fully deserved. Almost immediately from the restart Staines almost equalized through Warren Harris, drawing a good save from Conor Gough following a sweeping move.

Little more football action followed, however a boxing match did break out. Andre Scarlett throwing at least 2 punches towards a Salisbury player after handbags. It was not spotted by any of officials and he was only booked for his part in instigating said incident.

As the game edged towards the final 10minutes, Staines almost scored through a close range header from their outstanding performer and captain Danny Gordon. Only a cracking save from Gough keeping it out. This was to be the last footballing action of the game; however the boxing match was not over. Staines’ Gareth Risbridger thinking it was fine to hand off a player. The ref spotted this one and duly sent him off to a crowd not applauding him, but calling him names due to his petulance. I put it down to a case of frustration as he had been run ragged all game and was by far the worst performer on the pitch.

And that, was that. Staines failing to give the 1,002 strong crowd a win. The club will be hoping some of them fans will start coming on a regular basis, at £8 normal entry for adults, I will return.

Oh and congratulations to Staines Simon Jackson on winning sponsors man of match. His prize… a bottle of Asti with a bit of paper stuck over label saying ‘man of the match’. He’ll enjoy that I’m sure.

James Drobka (@jamesdrobka on Twitter)

“One of many suggested ‘origins’ for the word ‘Chav’ was that it is an abbreviation of ‘Chatham Average’, alluding to a public perception of a segment of Chatham residents as tracksuit-wearing, gold hoop-earringed common people with a penchant for hard drinking, recreational drug use, and aggressive and anti-social behaviour. The word ‘chav’ was retroactively deemed an acronym for ‘Council House And Violent’. “Chav Culture” was first evident from a website about “Chatham Girls” which received a huge amount of media interest.” Not my words but those of Wikipedia.  It certainly rang true.

At the time I had no knowledge Chatham had a football team.  Everyone came here to watch Gillingham right?  In fact in 1986 I came to every home game bar one as powered by the goals of Tony Cascarino and Dave Shearer they reached the Play Off final (beating Sunderland in the process) where they lost in a replay to Swindon Town.  But they did.  Chatham Town were formed just a few months after their illustrious neighbours but have not enjoyed anywhere near the success of the Gills.

Their best league performance has been 7th in the Southern League, Eastern Division and even last season as Gillingham were enjoying a charge to a play off spot, Chatham were rooted firmly at the bottom of the Ryman League South.  However, the club were reprieved at the end of last season by the usual end of season re-organisation and now find themselves in the Ryman League North.

Chatham has a number of other interesting links to football.  Local MP, Tracey Crouch (no relation to Peter) is a qualified FA Coach, as well as a Spurs fan which shows how much she really knows about the beautiful game (joke Tracey), and of course the town once joined as one to celebrate winning the FA Cup.  Well, sort of.

Back in 1875, Royal Engineers brought the cup back to their Great Lines ground after beating Old Etonians in a replay at Kennington Oval. The team were seen as the best the armed forces could muster and as well as their Cup win, they were runners up on four other occasions in the first ten years of the competition. Today nothing much is left of their original grounds in Great Lines, well apart from a military housing estate.

But back to the football at hand.  Chatham had proudly announced their new Adidas kit online this week, AC Milan (and Lewes) style at home, Inter Milan away. Times are a-changing in the Non Leagues and if you cannot play the part, at least you can look the part these days. What was also welcome was a very sensible £5 for Adults and £1 for kids to get in.  With Gillingham opening their League Two campaign just a stone’s throw away it was always going to be a bit of a losing battle on the crowd front, and when we entered the hallowed portal a few minutes before kick off the grounds was, shall we say, spartan.

Chatham Town 0 Welling United 2 – Maidstone Road – Saturday 5th August 2011
Of course.  Everyone was in the bar! After a week of Championship, Premier League and various Welsh grounds it was good to be back at the heart of the grassroots game.  As the teams took their place in the strange fencing-cum-tunnel structure behind the goal all of the fans drifted out to take their place around the rustic venue.

This was more of a test for the home side rather than the visitors.  Welling had exceeded all expectations last season , finishing just outside the play off spots after a great second half of the season.  Player/manager Jamie Day is still getting rave reviews and you cannot rule them out of the race for promotion this season as well.  So it was no surprise that they took an early lead when Jack Parkinson scored after being put clean through.

The one man at the centre of the action was actually the referee, Mr Brown who failed to control the game and punished the wrong tackles at the wrong times. However, it was interesting to hear the “respect” he got from both sets of players.  So much for the success of that campaign.

The second half was more of the same with the Welling United keeper Whitehouse not really having a save to make, whilst his opposite number Kessell had to be at his best to keep the score just at one.  That was until centre forward Loick Pires broke free from his marker and drilled the ball home.

One notable player who made an appearance in the second period for Chatham was Jack Jeffrey. Born down the road in Gravesend, Jeffrey was on West Ham’s books for awhile, although never made the first team squad. He then went on to play for Leyton Orient and Cambridge United on loan, but since then his career as nosedived, last season ending up in the Kent Premier League with Sevenoaks Town.  Let’s home he does find some luck with Chatham.

With Welling opening their Blue Square Bet South campaign next weekend it was a useful run out, but for Chatham Town it is hard to know where this season will take them.  Last season Ryman South was considerably stronger than the North so there is hope that after a season of turmoil it could at last be a season of promise. And as for the Chav’s?  Well the term may have come from Chatham, but every town up and down our fair land has their own version so perhaps they should thank Chatham’s youth for Vauxhall Novas, fake Burberry and Elizabeth Duke every day.

For more pictures from the afternoon, head off here.

To me, the biggest football club is the one with the most owners, or members and despite Manchester United’s attempts at global dominance that honour falls to Barcelona. The Catalan giant, and undoubtably the best team in the world today have over 170,000 members or Socios, each of whom pays a minimum of €121 per annum for the privilege. Since the 2003–04 season, the club’s membership figures have risen from 100,000 to 170,000 Socis, a 70 percent increase. The sharp rise was attributed to the influence of Ronaldinho and then-president Joan Laporta’s media-strategy, which focused on online media in Spanish and English. As of June 2010 there were 1,335 officially registered fan clubs or “Penyes” around the world, representing an 11 percent increase since 2003. It is any co-incidence that the huge jump in membership (and in membership fees which were less than €50 back in 2006) has come during the most successful time in the club’s history? Well what you have to bear in mind is that despite the huge amount of revenue the Socios produces (simple maths of 170,000 x €121 = €20.6m per annum), the club are still over €442m in debt according to Deloitte’s. Success comes at a price.

But the ownership model means that no one person can every own the club, and every single Socios has an equal say in who manages the football club (in terms of off the field) as well as being able to stand for election themselves. Democracy rules right?

So if it is good enough for the world’s best team (*subject to debates I know), then why haven’t we seen a rush of other clubs adopting a similar model elsewhere? One reason is that to make that change from a ownership model based on capitalism principals requires the agreement of the whole board of directors. In England we have seen a few examples of it working – AFC Wimbledon, AFC Telford United and of course FC United of Manchester. But one club has the aspiration of being the “Barcelona of Non League football” through this scheme, and that is Lewes Community Football Club.

As regular readers of this website will know, I have a soft spot for Lewes. It is in my opinion the finest place in Britain to watch football, nestled in the shadow of the South Downs, with the best pint of Harveys beer known to man being served in the Rook Inn. However, things had not been going strictly to plan, with the club finding themselves back in Blue Square Bet South after a disastrous venture into the Blue Square Premier. Things off the field were bleak, with the tipping point the issue of a winding up order over an unpaid tax bill in early 2010.

However, thanks to the efforts of a small group of fans who wanted to re-establish the club at the heart of the community and well as the community at the heart of the club, Lewes Football Club became Lewes Community Football Club in July 2010. Things off the field started to improve thanks in no part to the introduction of a “Pioneer Ownership Scheme” which gave anyone who invested a one off £1,000 into the club a share in the club. The rules of the community benefit scheme state that no one person can own more than one share in the club and thus a real say in the future of the club. People came from far and wide to sign up for this unique scheme, thus forming the first group of Sussex Socios.

The dream of the Directors was to widen the ownership opportunities for the club, and so last week the new owners scheme was launched, offering people a share in the club for just £30 per season. It should be noted that this is not a “my Football Club” scheme. For the £30 fee people will get a physical share in the club, and one vote in the election of a new board as well as other membership benefits. Of course people can pay more if they want, but this is an annual process with the idea of building Lewes CFC into the “Barcelona of the Non Leagues” (in terms of ownership anyway).

So why would non Lewes fans invest? Well, this is a relatively unique opportunity in the world of football. Lewes like to try different things. They were one of the first clubs to give under 16′s free entry into every single game at The Dripping Pan. Their programme has been one of the best in the league for the past few seasons. Their match day posters are things of beauty. Who wouldn’t want to invest 60 pence per week in being part of the evolution of football clubs? Less than the price of a Mars Bar in the dodgy shop round the corner. We all want to be heard, we all want to be able to say we’ve contributed and we all want to put something back into the game we all love don’t we?

So do something good today. Go to http://lewesfc.com/owners and join the evolution!

The reason? In the six year history of the Conference South no team finishing third from bottom has eventually been relegated. Many have tried such as Maidenhead United, Hayes (twice), Weston-Super-Mare, Thurrock and Worcester City but none have succeeded. In fact even finishing second to bottom is no guarantee of demotion as only two teams have ever been relegated in this position – last season Weston-Super-Mare the latest example of staying up in penultimate place. So where there is uncertainly, there is hope. And what better uncertainty than in Non League football.

So it was with some hope we traveled up to Borehamwood to say goodbye to Lewes’s annus horribulus, as well as undoubtably a few of the playing squad. Boreham Wood FC (note – this is not a spelling mistake – Boreham Wood is the name of the team despite the fact they play in Borehamwood) is not my favourite place after the Ryman Premier Play off last season. Almost a year to the day of those dark days of football I doubted significantly that the crowd would break the 200 mark.

Whilst Boreham Wood’s first season at this level can be seen to be a success on the pitch, consolidation was always going to be the objective, you can hardly say that their promotion had set the town a-buzzing. In fact regular attendances of sub-200 makes you wonder how they actually funded their season. Even if everyone paid full price for admission (which of course they wouldn’t as there would be season ticket holders, comps, visiting officials etc) then they would get £2,200 in gate revenue approximately every two weeks. Whilst the playing budgets of most team are kept under lock and key, we know enough to say that no club operates anywhere near this level.

One area where they have simply lost the plot is on pricing for Under 16′s. I nearly choked when I was told it was £6 for Lolly, a ten year old. Six pounds? That is absolutely ridiculous. Half of the clubs in the Blue Square South let Under16′s in free. The most expensive I had come across this season was £3 at Chelmsford City. Six pounds? You are having a laugh. I asked a steward if I could talk to the club secretary. He was busy, it was a match day after all. But the steward told me that the pricing was “fair and comparative to what other clubs charge”. Was it any surprise that there was no other under 16′s in the ground bar the two in the Lewes contingent and the ball boys. Hello…does that not tell you anything?

Brian Potter once said “Children are our future” (he also said that Garlic bread was but we will ignore that for now). Premier League clubs are pricing kids out of the game, we all know that, but what else is there on offer close by? Watford? Luton? Barnet? Watford charge £13 for under 16′s which is hardly a bargain.

And how many under16′s live in the estate surrounding the ground? A couple of hundred? Simple business idea here – let kids in free as long as an adult pays, thus kids will drag parents along, who then spend money on beer, sweets, etc etc. Am I being too sensible here? Don’t any of the officials of the club look around the empty terraces and think “where are all the kids?” Do they not look on with envy when they go to clubs like Lewes and see smiling happy kids wearing replica shirts, spending their pocket money at the club? Obviously not. The club shop at Boreham Wood sat open without any customers on this sunny day. What is the marginal cost of letting under 16′s in free? How many resources do they take up? The answer is zero. It is 100% profit so why be greedy?Reap what you sow.

Boreham Wood 3 Lewes 0 – Meadow Park – Saturday 30th April 2011
Despite the poor attendance it was good to see bigger than normal Lewes travelling contingent. My one main criticism this season has been the fans have been too quick to get on the back of the team and management based on a view from home games alone. It has been the same dozen or so faces at most away games but for the last game a few more faces had come out into the sunshine. And with the game just a minute or so old they nearly had something to cheer about as a Wheeler free kick was flicked goalwards forcing the keeper to make a fantastic one handed save.

Lewes actually played quite well for long periods of the hot first half. Talisman David Wheeler, undoubtably playing his last game for the club as he heads back off to college in West London for next season, kept sending the balls in for “The Unit” aka Danny Buckle, but the Boreham Wood back four looked quite solid and surely but slowly the home team got into the game, striking the woodwork in the twenty fifth minute from a shot from distance. With time running out in the half and the bar seeming the best option for us, Boreham Wood took the league. A corner was floated into the Lewes box and the defence were obviously concentrating on their half term oranges as Risbridger headed home.

Half time scores were looking good for a third from bottom finish as long as they could turn around this game. But they couldn’t. Wilkinson doubled the lead with another header from a set piece in the 68th minute and three minutes later Garrard added a third. It was harsh on Lewes but on many an occasion since Christmas they had been put to the sword by teams in the second half of games.

So the referee brought an end to the game, and Lewes’s season. Where we will end up is now completely out of our hands. Rumours are rife about clubs up and down the pyramid who are looking for a way out of their current financial situation by taking a voluntary relegation. But that is for another day. The team sat on the pitch in a circle as manager Tim O’Shea debriefed them. How many would be in a similar situation in just three months time? We can but speculate.

We said our goodbyes to David Wheeler, our David Wheeler who has shown commitment to the club in the past three years and he looked genuinely sad that he was (probably) leaving the club in such a circumstances. But he has to move on. After all Football is a business, right?

More photos from the disappointing afternoon in the sunshine can be found here.

The Hand Stadium – Clevedon Town. The Hand Stadium took its name from the Hand family, successive generations of which were involved in running the club for nearly 100 years. The facility includes an all weather pitch, training facilities, a 300-seater stand, tiered terracing around the whole ground and a clubhouse. The complex also includes function/conference facilities as well as Vibe, Clevedon’s only nightclub.

The Dovecote – Shepshed Dynamo FC. Not so much the ground name but its location in Butthole Lane is enough to give even the most conservative vicar a fit of the giggles. The ground has been home to Northern Premier League Division One South Shepshed for over 100 years.

The Dripping Pan – Lewes FC. Home of the Rooks, from Blue Square Bet South, The Dripping Pan is so named because the site was where monks from the local priory used to dry water from the nearby river to make salt. This also accounted for the pitch being sunk below ground level and being surrounded by grass banks on all sides. Still a wonderful place to watch a game with the chalky South Downs in the background.

The Eyrie – Bedford Town FC. Zamaretto Premier League team Bedford’s ground’s name is easy to explain. The club are nicknamed The Eagles, after some of the residents that used to frequent the countryside around the original ground. For all of you who didn’t study zoology at school (shame on you) then an Eyrie is another name for an Eagles nest. Simple really.

The Beveree – Hampton & Richmond Borough FC. The ground is known as Beveree and it lies adjacent to Beaver Close, which would seem to suggest as to where the tag originates. Furthermore, an ancient stream (which currently flows underneath the pitch) heads towards the river Thames some 200 yards away, which may indicate that the area could have been the habitat of the animal before it became extinct in the UK hundreds of years ago. Still amusing though and recently included in The Inbetweeners 50 rude place names in England.

The Snake Pit – Atherstone Town FC. Despite some extensive research into this one, I cannot see one logical reason why Zamaretto League Southern Division Atherstone’s ground is called the Snake Pit. They are nicknamed “The Adders” but it is unclear as to what came first – the nickname or the ground. Either way, looking at some of the forums from visiting teams there is enough bite in the home fans to make travelling supporters very wary.

The Butchers Arms – Droylsden FC. The ground is named after the Butcher’s Arms public house, whose landlord in 1892 instigated the formation of Droylsden FC to play on land behind the pub, which became the ground. Now playing in the Blue Square Bet North division the club celebrate the Butchers name at a designated home game once a year, when the stadium floor is sprinkled with saw dust and fans are invited to wear white overalls and hairnets however due to new health and safety regulations the smearing of pigs blood on each others faces has been outlawed.

Victoria Pleasure Gardens – Goole AFC. A strange one this as you would expect it to be located by the sea side. But Goole is actually 45 miles inland, located in the West Ridings of Yorkshire. As a travelling Lincoln fan who visited it recently for a pre-season friendly commented, “I can see its Victorian from the age of the facilities, but pleasurable it certainly ain’t”.

Giant Axe – Lancaster City FC. Located close to Lancaster railway station, The Giant Axe has been Northern Premier League Lancaster City’s home ground since 1905. It was given its name as it was the centrepiece of a sports club, the exterior wall of which was, when viewed from above, the same shape as an axe head.

The Scholars – Chasetown FC. Chasetown have come to the nations attention due to their FA Cup exploits in the past few years. They can also boast once funny comedian Frank Carson as one of their directors. The club currently plays in the Northern Premier League Premier Division and is nicknamed The Scholars, having been formed by affiliates of nearby Chase Terrace High School in the Chase Terrace area of Burntwood.

I am sure we have missed a few, so please if you know of any more interestingly named grounds then let us know.

But what happens if the penalty happens to a promotion or relegation rival of your team? What happens if the harsh penalty actually works significantly to your benefit? Where do you stand then? Deep down you may feel sorry for the club, but outwardly are you not just walking around with a smile that the Mona Lisa would be proud of?

Just such an event happened yesterday, April Fools Day. And whilst the FA are seen as a joke by many in the way they run our national game, especially at grass roots level, the decision was made after midday thus condemning them to another year of being the fool if it wasn’t true (as if they would need an excuse to continue their bizarre running of the game anyway).

St Albans City, fighting relegation from the Blue Square Bet South had their 10 point penalty for financial irregularities upheld. The decision, relating back to events from over 3 years ago (!) has effectively relegated the team from the division. They are now twelve points from safety with just six games to go. If they do manage to get out of the situation then they deserve a spot in the Champions League. It is hard to see where the club will go from here, as they have been on the brink of financial crisis for a few seasons now. In fact on our last visit there in August 2009 saw them at odds with their programme printers and a simple A4 photocopied sheet was available (Another ridiculous FA rule – if a programme isn’t produced a club faces a fine or points penalties).

Their misfortune worked in the favour of the other teams at the bottom, including Lewes and Maidenhead United who were also in the bottom three. And guess what the next game of the season is? Yep, Lewes hosting Maidenhead.

So IF Lewes could win, perhaps rediscovering the Braintree rather than the Dartford /Farnborough /Woking /Ebbsfleet /Chelmsford form then they could potentially climb out of the relegation zone for the first time in months and put five and eleven points respectively between the other two teams in the drop zone. Six pointer? This was going to be a twelve pointer!

This week also saw the non league loan deadline day – sort of the transfer window for the non leagues. With few teams able to afford long term signings, the loan system is the only way some teams can compete. Lewes have used it extensively this season (around 30 players have come in on loan) and so it was no surprise to welcome a few new faces into the squad for the relegation run in:-

– Millwall defender Pat O’Conner (sent off on his debut against Brighton & Hove Albion in midweek)
– Striker Andy Hutchinson from Lincoln City
– Defender Mitchell Nelson from Bournemouth
– Striker Danny Buckle from Walton Casuals
– Goalkeeper Josh Wills from Sussex League side Sidley United

The Pan needed some lifting after the disappointing defeat in midweek to Brighton & Hove Albion in the quarter final of the Sussex Senior Cup. With the final being the first competitive game to be played in the new Amex Community Stadium, the prize was tantilisingly good but a strong Rooks team could not overcome the Seagulls. So it was going to be left to the Lewes faithful to lift spirits as Maidenhead rolled into town.

Lewes had been in the news this week for a number of reasons. Firstly because the press had picked up on the fact Nigella Lawson (and husband Charles Saatchi) had invested in the club. Not exactly a lie but not exactly true either. They had both become pioneer shareholders in the club, investing a fixed sum of £1,000 in return for one share in the community club. Just like over 60 other people had. The constitution of Lewes FC means that no one can actually own more than one share so I would hardly call this a “proposed takeover” as some people speculated.

And then yesterday. April Fools Day. One of the best football related gags was the news that Internationally-renowned sculptor Antony Gormley had agreed to create a modern sculpture that would be positioned in the currently vacant south-east corner of the ground.

Based on the Angel of the North in Gateshead, the ‘Rook of the South’ would be a 75 foot high sculpture of a rook – Lewes FC’s nickname – with a 100 foot wingspan, constructed of weather resistant corten steel. Before any NIMBYs got too excited the last line of the article (see here) said plans would be available for anyone to see at the club until midday. I wonder how many people actually turned up?

The sun was out and I was being joined for the match than none other that Tom “The Pie Man” Dickinson, a man who knows a thing about football grounds and football cuisine. Tom recently published the story of his monumental trip around the 92 Premier and Football League grounds, enjoying (well eating at least) a pie in each one. He was going to be disappointed at the Pan as pies are not on the agenda. Still a few Harvey’s down his next will drown his sorrows I am sure.

Lewes 1 Maidenhead United 0 – The Dripping Pan – Saturday 2nd April 2011
The question that was being tossed about in the Rook Inn pre-match was which Lewes team would turn up today. The Braintree bravehearts or the woeful Woking wasters. O’Shea was able to recall Winterton in goal and Joe Dolan at the back after suspension and also added in debutants Paul O’Conner, Andy Hutchinson and Mitchell Nelson.

Ninety minutes later we had our answer. Sure it wasn’t pretty but most of the near 700 in the ground will have seen the improvement in the defence. Dolan, a man who someone said to be was “more of a donkey than an actual donkey” was immense for the second home game in a row and won a deserved man of the match award. Breach continues to impress with every game and Nelson added pace that 38 year old Anthony Barness once had in his Bolton days.

There was really only one talking point. As a relatively nondescript first half entered injury time Hutchinson managed to get in front of the defender after a long punt upfield. From our vantage point at the top of the Jungle we could see him go down under a challenge from the Maidenhead centre back. At first the referee said “get up” but then out of the corner of his eye, and ours was a waving yellow flag. The linesman had seen what we had. PENALTY.

Now correct me if I am wrong here but Hutchinson had got in front of the LAST MAN. He had been FOULED in the PENALTY AREA as he prepared to take a GOALSCORING OPPORTUNITY. Add those four facts together and you get……nothing. The referee did not even book the defender. Still we had a penalty and Gary Noel stepped up and sent the keeper the wrong way. As a dancing Patrick Marber informed me mid-embrace “We’ve never lost after taking a first half lead”.

There wasn’t the same confidence we had seen in the Rook Inn against Braintree Town. There was an air of nervousness, especially as scores elsewhere were not as good as could be expected. But at this stage of the season the fate of Lewes still lays in their own hands. Four wins from six would almost certainly lead Lewes to the promised land of safety.

So what can I tell you about the second half. Erm not a lot really. I couldn’t even blame the Harveys this week. It was simply not a good 45 minute period. Wheeler kept tormenting the full back, Dolan and Breach kept things tight and substitute Danny Buckle (the rather physically looking Danny Buckle) gave the two Maidenhead centre backs a torrid time.

Ninety minutes were up and do you know what? There wasn’t any of the nervousness on the pitch that we had seen against other sides earlier in the season. In fact it was all relatively calm. With four minutes of injury time up the Maidenhead keeper decided to go on a run with the ball. One of those that you try on FIFA 10 where you try and take on everyone in the whole team. Well he beat Hutchinson and then Wheeler. As he crossed the half way line the referee blew for full time. Good job too as he lost control of the ball and Charlie Holness shot just as the whistle went. The ball, for all it was worth slowly trickled towards the goal, eventually hitting the post and the ball just sat there, like a forgotten toy at Christmas. The players came over to take the applause, but the ball just sat there, all alone, wanting to take part in the party, but no one invited it in (enough now!).

It was now all about results elsewhere. Five years ago we would all be crowded around a terrace tranny (a radio not a cross dresser!) waiting for the other results, but today there we all were on our iPhones checking Livescore and NLN24 with the full times from Thurrock (won, booo), Dover (defeat for Stortford – yes!) and Hampton (draw – ok).

In the space of 24 hours Lewes had gone from relegation certainties to survival fighters thanks to the FA, an eagle eyed linesman and two good old fashioned centre backs. All is not fair in life, but on a day like today who cares – sorry St Albans City!

A couple more snaps here.

7. Make Non League Day a firm fixture in the calendar
James Doe deserves a medal for making the first ever Non League Day last September. Not only did he have the energy to say “right let’s do it” but he was also able to get national media attention to the day. In short Non League day – what a brilliant idea! My Non League team of choice Lewes FC hosted Hampton & Richmond Borough on a glorious sunny day and saw 694 fans flock into The Dripping Pan, up more than a hundred on games in previous weeks. We also saw the likes of Jonathan Pearce, Mark Williams (From Fast Show and Harry Potter fame) and Dave Lamb (The voice of Come Dine with Me) come along to support their local club.

For those of you who have no idea what Non League Day is or was then shame on you! It was a chance for all of those plastic Premier League and Football League (well, the higher placed clubs) to remember that there is more to life than a sanitised stadium, overpriced and undercooked food and players faking injuries. It was a celebration of our Non League game and an opportunity for everyone to enjoy a game at the grass roots level of the game.

So what does it take to become a regular fixture on the calendar? Three things really.

First. Make sure that the FA recognises the day and therefore stipulates that home internationals are not played at 3pm on a Saturday (or preferably on a Saturday at all). This day happened because the home game versus Bulgaria was played on the Friday night meaning no Premier League, nPower Championship and around half of the League One and Two games were played on the Saturday. Take the game last weekend against Wales – couldn’t that have been played Friday night? They play rugby union internationals in Cardiff on a Friday night without any issue? Or Sunday?

Secondly. It takes a willingness of the clubs involved to adopt it as a special day. Clubs need to do more to attract fans for this. Many did last time out – Some offered 50% discount on admission, others put on special events. But all clubs need to adopt the day and do something, otherwise it will be just like any other home game.

Thirdly. Whilst I do not particularly advocate sponsorship for the sake of it, I actually think this would benefit from some sponsorship. Why not make it like a “Red Nose Day” for clubs – do fundraising events, give some cash to grass roots football charities. And get a national sponsor of the day who can use their marketing resources to really get the message across.

I would also suggest that it is held twice a season, planned so that ALL Non League clubs could benefit from hosting a game each season. So in September it is Lewes versus Hampton & Richmond Borough, and then in March or April it could be the reverse fixture. And let’s recognise the contribution of possibly the greatest man in Non League football, Tony Kempster (idea thanks to Danny Last) by naming the day after him….and getting at least a CBE for James Doe for his services to football.

8. Alleviate the financial catch 22 of promotion
This idea comes from Charlie Dobres, one of the directors of Lewes FC. The cost of being promoted up the non-leagues can be crippling, each promotion seeming to cost almost exponentially more due to increased player wages, ground grading requirements, longer travelling distances and more. The step-up to Blue Square Bet Premier in particular, where almost all teams are now full-time, is a killer for small clubs. Increased crowds and sponsorship do not cover these promotions, so the inverse economics of non-league football is such that, the higher you go, the bigger the losses. Every time aspires to play at a higher level, but at what cost? You can see the division in class both on and off the pitch between a Hayes & Yeading or a Histon, and a Luton Town or a York City.

Occasionally you are surprised by teams who seem to come from nowhere. Fleetwood Town this season are making a real challenge to the top six but are being bankrolled. Crawley Town? Do not get me started on that whole situation? AFC Wimbledon, a club built on solid community foundations.

So I would propose an ‘Escalator payment’ for promoted clubs. Funded by the Premier League/FA it would make a grant to promoted clubs sufficient to cover one season’s additional costs in the league above. This would give clubs more time to adjust to the step up and act as a safety net. At the moment, some clubs’ biggest fear is, ironically, the ‘threat’ of promotion. You can look at it as the other side of the coin to the parachute payments that a Premier League club gets on being relegated.

We all know that most clubs are held together financially by wealthy(ish) benefactors. That’s their choice, but the downside is an innate long-term instability in the club i.e. what happens when that person(s) goes away? So I propose a cap on the proportion of club income that can come from donations. Perhaps starting as high as 50% in year one, but ending up in year three (to create a soft landing) as no more than 20%. This would encourage and give clubs time to both replace this sugar-daddy money with genuine recurring, earnt in both gate receipts and commercial activities.

9. Scrap the ground grading farce
Following on from the financial catch 22 we have ground grading. Take a look at the picture on the right? Idyllic setting isn’t it? This is the home of VCD, last season of the Ryman League North. 2009/10 was the first season at this level and they more than held their own. Crowds were as you expect modest, in keeping with a regionalised league were attendances do not often break the three figure barrier. They were accepted for promotion from the Kent Premier League to the Ryman in May 2009. A year later after they finished in a respectable 8th place. But then they were told that their Oakwood Road ground was not up to standard and they were relegated back to the Kent Premier League.

So a year after their ground was good enough to host crowds of 100 people they were told it wasn’t fit for the job despite them spending not insignificant sums of improvements. As you can see from above – idyllic. Two small stands, perimeter fencing, floodlights – all ticks in the boxes. The issue was a 1metre wide path around the pitch. It appears that this should have been a metre wide. The club were given until mid June to sort this and they were on track to complete this work when all of a sudden in May the Isthmian League said “sorry but you have been relegated”. You can read more here.

I have no issue with certain criteria needing to be met before clubs can play at a higher level, but the whole March deadline means more than often clubs have to gamble on paying for work on the slim chance they may be promoted. Suppose that your team sits in 10th place in early January, five spots off the play offs but quite a few points away. If you put a run together you could make 5th spot and thus get to the playoffs BUT there is a slim chance you may go up. Only problem is you need to carry out a number of upgrades to the ground at a cost of several thousand pounds. You only have a small window to carry out this work so you go ahead. Two weeks later your team suffers three serious injuries. Then the bad weather starts and your next few home games are cancelled. Sound familiar from the previous few seasons? So extra money is needed just to get a team out yet there is no money coming through the turnstiles. That is the issue. Clubs have to gamble far too early in the season. Why not make the deadline say in May or even later?

What is the difference between playing in front of 75 in Step 5, 100 in Step 4 and 250 in Step 3? Or is this simply rules for the sake of rules?

So there we have it. Nine sensible, logical and workable ideas. But we all know that those three bedfellows do not resonate with the powers that be. I will be sending the whole list to the FA and the respective Non League administrators for their comment, but I doubt I will get a response. But before that I want a number ten. After all a list is not really complete unless it is a top 10 so I want YOUR ideas for the tenth item. We have a few such as change the playoff system so that it involves a team from the league above, change the regionalisation of the leagues and scrap the rule that says all teams over a certain level have to produce a match day programme.

So in the words of Deliah, “Let’s be ‘aving you”