In just 24 hours I would be walking along Santa Monica Pier in SoCal as us surfers know it, the sunshine on my face and the sand between my toes.  You can’t beat a bit of winter sunshine to recharge the batteries after Christmas.  And as if I needed any more incentive to go I had the promise of a date with the not too shabby Natalia Velez to look forward to.

But first I had a date with one of Essex’s finest – Canvey Island who were visiting the Dripping Pan for an early doors game against The Rooks.  Early doors because of Brighton’s cup game versus Newcastle United just down the road at 5.15pm.  Thanks to the Ryman League seeing sense, and the Essex side happy to leave Lakeside an hour earlier than normal, Lewes stood a chance of a decent crowd.  We littered the Toon websites, forums and Twitter feeds with invites and promises of pints of Dog, Jimmy Nail look-a-likes and Lewes wearing a special one-off black and white striped shirt just for the day.  Not strictly true but  would they really notice after tucking into a few pints of Harveys?

Our cause had been helped no end by the efforts of the Guardian’s sports team who plugged the game via their Fiver email, eulogising that :-

“At this quaint little ground, you’ll be allowed to stand up, smoke your gills out, watch entertaining Brazil-circa-1970 style football, eat delicious modestly priced organic burgers and lorry back refreshing pints of the local brew Harveys all at the same time”

Thanks to some opportunist sales techniques that would have shamed a time-share salesperson in the Canary Islands I had managed to convince The Guardian’s Barry Glendenning as an owner a few weeks ago.  Yes, he had been worse for wear; Yes, he was distracted by Sarah Hot Scores and yes I may have told him that by being an owner he was entitled to certain perks that weren’t strictly true, but Pressganging is not illegal (I think) in the 21st century.  One man’s Richard Branson is another man’s Asil Nadir. Barry was making his first visit to the Pan and we were determined to make his visit a special one.  After all, since he thrust the £30 in my top pocket back in December, “our” team had won three, drawn four and lost four as well as seeing the manager depart.  Investments can go up and well as down as I reminded him when he asked for a refund.

Canvey Island, the Gulls, the pride of Park Lane.  Lewes had already beaten the Islanders earlier in the season and what they could do with a moral boosting win today.  Performances had been good, but a lack of goals was becoming a real worry.  Five goals in the last six wasn’t a fair return for the effort, but add on the fact that three had come from penalties and you see the issue.  Last Saturday the team lost 5-1 at Margate.  Lewes shots 8, Margate shots 8.  On Wednesday night the woodwork and a bobble in the six yards area stopped two certain goals.  Today there was to be no excuse.  It was win or bust….well not exactly that traumatic but we are hyping this up for the Guardian remember?

This was my third trip to Lewes in just four days after the Sussex Senior Cup match on Wednesday and then the Fans Forum on Thursday where we had batted away all questions fired at us from the fans.  Now was the time for us to live up to our promise of Barcelona-esque football.

Lewes 1 Canvey Island 2 – The Dripping Pan – Saturday 28th January 2012
“You will win nothing with kids” One of the most famous understatements uttered by a pundit.  Alan Hansen may have had to eat his words back when Sir Alex Ferguson blooded the likes of Scholes, Beckham and Giggs at Villa Park in August 1995, but since then how right he has been.  Lewes today were forced to field a very young team as injuries ravaged Simon Wormull’s squad.  The manager himself was even forced to play himself for the final thirty minutes, turning back the years with some of his visionary passing.

I can only imagine the mood in the Wormull house when the sick notes arrived this morning.  Kamara – hip injury.  Robinson – hamstring.  Hamilton – foot.  Hustwick – neck strain.  These four are the Lewes back four. Any club would struggle to cope with such a situation.  A major reshuffle saw Charlie Leech and Jack Phillips in the starting line up as well as new signing Jack Walder in the centre of midfield.

One good bit of news was that the Rooks had ditched the white shorts – going down the full Rosseneri look of red and black – Canvey opting for Crystal Palace away circa 1989.  It was the yellows who started the stronger of the two and thankfully keeper Rikki Banks was in good form.  With Lewes’s recent goals coming from the boot of Paul Booth it didn’t take a brave man (me) to predict he would be the first goalscorer, although Eddie Freemantle refused to take my tenner, reminding me that as a Director I was not able to place a bet on my team.  Sure enough, a minute later Paul Booth rose and headed home a Nanetti cross to put the Rooks one nil up.

The second half saw Canvey well on top and it was no surprise when Jason Hallett scored in the 51st minute.  We weren’t used to conceding a goal before the 90th minute so the crowd were stunned into silence.  Everyone was confused.  What to do?  Well, how about the player/manager bringing himself on…Wormull stripped off and within a minute had played a trademark cross field pass to Nanetti. Every touch was greeted with a cheer.  Could he win us the game and roll back the years?

Alas no.  Canvey got stronger as the game wore on and with twenty minutes to go Bradley Woods-Garness smacked a loose ball home to give the Essexmen the three points.  The thirty or so Canvey fans went home happy, having enjoyed their day out in the sunshine whilst the Rooks fans had to scratch their heads wondering what the team had to do to get that break and three points.

With the rain out of the way it was time to prepare for the Rainbow.  Natalia Velez was sure to ask about the result.  Don’t worry – I will take this one for the team.  Until I return I bid you a fond farewell.

However, all was not lost.  The Rooks had to chance to show their “bouncebackability” with another home cup tie.  And not just any old cup tie.  One against Eastbourne Borough, sworn enemies, deadly rivals and pretenders to the title “Best Non League team in Sussex”.

The Sussex Senior Cup is a strange competition.  The bigger clubs (i.e Crawley Town and Brighton & Hove Albion) rarely take it seriously, yet every year it is the same story.  The former seem to be eliminated early, the latter in for the duration despite fielding essentially a reserve team.  Last season Lewes lost in the quarter finals at home to Brighton & Hove Albion, thus denying themselves the chance to reach the final, which was played at The Amex.  This year, wins over Wick and East Grinstead had sent up a mouth-watering tie with Eastbourne Borough.  The winners would join Crawley Down, Whitehawk and the winner of the BHA v Bognor Regis Town game in the draw for the semi-final.

Brighton & Hove Albion had reached the final of the last five competitions, winning four. In fact it was Lewes who were the last team to break this run back in 2006 when they beat Horsham.

Lewes hadn’t met Eastbourne Borough since New Year’s Day in 2009 when they met in the Conference Premier.  Both teams had been promoted from the Blue Square South the previous season – Lewes as winners and Boro via the play offs.  Those two games over the Christmas period had attracted near 5,000 fans.  How both would love half of that now.

The clubs have lived almost parallel lives in the past season.  Both were relegated last year – Eastbourne Borough from the Blue Square Bet Premier, and Lewes from the South division.  More recently both had become manager-less as Eastbourne decided to part company with their management team who in part had been at the helm for over a decade.  But whatever the circumstances both sets of fans wanted to get one over on the “old enemy”.

We were expecting a decent crowd.  Obviously this was a “minor” cup competition in the eyes of many fans and we would normally only expect a few hundred.  However, the draw of the derby-day atmosphere was certain to bring a few more through the gate.  But perhaps the real compelling event would be the lure of the Lewes burger.  Last week The Guardian Food and Drink supplement no less had spoken about the Lewes Organic burger being “the best fast food he has come across so far. The club spends more on its chefs that it does on players”- The Guardian Food and Drink – 18th January 2012

Lewes 1 Eastbourne Borough 2 – The Dripping Pan – Wednesday 25th January 2012
For 94 minutes this was a classic cup tie full of passion (on and off the pitch), hard tackles, goal mouth incidents and a decent atmosphere created by 637 fans.  And then, the curse of the Dripping Pan struck again.  Just as we had seen so many times (in fact twice already in January) we concede a late goal.  Not quite a Horsham late goal, but still deep into injury time.  Unlike the Horsham game this one was the knock-out box.  With the game poised to enter Extra Time, Eastbourne Borough took all of the spoils and dumped Lewes on their backsides and out of the Sussex Senior Cup.

Pre-match had been a juggling act for new boss Simon Wormull.  I arrived at the group at 4pm to find him busy on his phone trying to work out the formation.  With our only goal keeping option, Rikki Banks, on loan from Eastbourne Borough and thus not able to play, he had managed to pull in a young Polish keeper to make his debut (Pawel would later dislocate his finger in the warm up, yet in true British Bulldog spirit simply taped it up and carried on playing).  He brought in a number of the impressive youth team players and leading from the front, named himself on the bench. The spirit of the team of 2008 was not yet dead.

The opening exchanges were fast and frantic.  Eastbourne had the better of the opening exchanges but then the Lewes midfield got hold of the ball, and Mel Kamara started powering forward from midfield.  In a space of a few first half minutes Michael Malcolm showed that when luck is not on your side, nothing rolls for you.  First he powered a header against the inside of the post, with the Eastbourne keeper stranded and then he saw his goal-bound toe poke trickle slowly towards an unguarded net only for it to be cleared by a last gasp sliding tackle.  Half time – all square in love and war.

The Eastbourne fans had come in good voice, although some of them had obviously brought the “Football Fans song book from Green Street” with some of their chanting.  Chaps – it’s a Sussex Senior Cup game not Millwall v West Ham.  A chant of “No one likes us” made me chuckle as I recalled an away game back in April 2009 when they played at Altrincham which I saw where the home fans all clapped the 13 supporters who had made the trip on a cold Tuesday night – see someone does love you!

Ten minutes into the second period Eastbourne took the lead when a misjudged throw from the Lewes keeper fell straight at the feet of Matt Crabb and he sent the ball back over his head into the net.  Lewes doubled their efforts with the impressive Harding always looking dangerous and Malcolm seeing efforts blocked by last gasp defending.  Finally Lewes got their reward when Nanetti was brought down by the Eastbourne keeper Masters.  With no covering defender and Nanetti not going away from goal it was bizarre that the referee (interestingly sharing the same unusual surname as an Eastbourne player) did not even book the keeper.  Good job Hansen et al didn’t see it as we would still be discussing it now.  Booth stepped up and dispatched the millionth penalty of the season for Lewes and it was game on.  

We were in for a frantic final period with both teams having chances but failing to really test the keeper.  Four minutes of injury time were announced, and with the clock showing 93:47 Ciardini’s sliced clearance fell to Ben Watson who thumped the ball home.

Lewes can feel hard done by to lose so late on, but in these games there always has to be a winner.  This was one of the best performances of the season without a doubt and with more luck the scoreline would have been more favourable.  But that is football.  This is a team in transition and most of the fans appreciated the spirit, effort and hard work of the players as they made their way off the pitch.  The Sussex Senior Cup will just have to wait another season.

Our last trip had been to Gainsborough Trinity back in the spring of 2011 where we had found a perfect Pukka Pie which Brian Little had his eye on – I mean he wouldn’t have been looking at us fine strapping lads would he?  So we were long overdue a trip.  CMF and CMFS came up with a cunning idea this year for Christmas.  Or so we thought.  ”Let’s not buy each other Christmas presents, but put the money towards a night away somewhere” She told me, which of course translates to, “You pay and I will drink the mini-bar dry”.  I agreed, knowing the power she has over “that” drawer in the bedroom as long as Northern Steve and I could go to football.

“Of course angel.  As long as Rachael and I can go shopping/to the spa/male strip club”..I cannot remember which in all honestly after she said “of course”.  So we looked at venues.  CMFS was set on Liverpool.  Me, less so for a variety of reasons, primarily because I had heard gravy still hadn’t made it that far down the M62.  So Leeds was agreed on and we fixed a date. I set off on Saturday morning, from New Eltham to Kings Cross and then onto Leeds via Newark (anagram of Wanker by the way).  I met the rest of the party there and after checking into the hotel and checking out the bar it was time for some football.

And as luck (insert winkey smiley here) there were a variety of Non League options just a few minutes train ride away from the city centre.  My first choice was Blue Square Bet North side Guiseley but then Hartch stepped in.

“Oh, no Stuart lad.  We will be going to THE NEST”  The decision had been made for Northern Steve and I.  We were heading for the Throstle’s Nest, home of Farsley FC.  The Villagers, as they are known, used to be better known as Farsley Celtic (and also called The Villagers), which is a bit confusing as Farsley is actually a town in its own right and was the butt of a joke in a Monty Python sketch about pink blancmange (according to my Dad anyway).  Hartch had lived for many years in the car park at the Nest.  Not literally, but basically where the old car park used to be.

Hartch promised a top afternoon.  Northern Steve wasn’t sure but I lied and said he had laid on strippers in the Farmers Inn public house.  He was as good as sold on the word “laid”.

Farsley Celtic had been a big name in these parts.  They played for one season in the mid-2000′s in the Blue Square Bet Premier, and were only actually one league below Bradford City and just two away from Leeds United for that glorious period.  They over gambled on what it would take to compete at the top table in Non League football and were relegated at the end of the season.  The following year they started in the Conference North with a 10 point penalty for financial irregularities and by March 2010 the club had called it a day.

But with local support, the sweat of a band of volunteers and some local people with a vision, the club reformed in time for last season and won the Northern Counties East League Premier Division at a canter.  This season the story had been similar as they had surged up the table of the Evostik Division One North, just one level below the Blue Square Bet North.

Warrington Town were the visitors on this cold, crisp, Yorkshire afternoon.  The fifteen minute train journey had been a one can strategy and when we arrived at New Pudsey (not to be confused with that yellow bear from BBC Children in Need who is “Old Pudsey”)  we were met by Hartch.  ”You’re on my manor now” he said in a menacing way, not sounding dissimilar to Harold Shand in the Long Good Friday.

We stopped off at the Farmers Inn, a huge cavern of a pub, more akin to a village hall.  We told Steve that the Stripper was off ill after she developed a nasty burn from taking off her nylon thong too quickly. He was disappointed, but the promise of pie, beer and lots of hot gravy soon perked him up.

AFC Farsley 0 Warrington Town 1 – The Throstle’s Nest – Saturday 21st January 2012
With the wind and rain sweeping across the ground it was no surprise that the only goal of the game can be noted with the assist from a Mr Gail Force.  Ten minutes into the game Warrington’s Matty Cross took a corner that found the jet stream and smacked into Farsley’s Tom Jackson and flew into the net.  The wind dominated the first period, causing all sorts of problems for the home team, especially the keeper who could hardly kick the ball out of his own area.

After ticking off the obligatory dog in a football ground, a Deputy Senior Steward (there were only two stewards in the ground) and an aging member of a 70′s pop group during the first half we headed into the bar for some warmth.  In truth the weather was spoiling the game.  The referee was also struggling to control the tackles flying in on the pitch, and the number of “dust ups” had overtaken corners.  It was amusing to see (and hear) the managers also trying to adapt their language in shouting at the female linesman.  Not that it bothered her in the least, telling them to “Shut ya trap” on a number of occasions.

The bar was packed.  In fact it was strange to see so many fans in their with their Farsley shirts on watching Sky Sports News whilst the game was going on.  The clubhouse is a seven day a week venue and is a key source of revenue for the club.  Any move up the non league ladder is dependent on what the club can bring in off the pitch.

The second half saw the wind drop for awhile, and was replaced by rain.  As Dolly Parton once said, you need the rain before you can have the rainbow and sure enough it appeared soon after, distracting most of the 229 people in the ground for a few minutes.  Farsley continued to attack but they simply could not break down a dogged Warrington defence.  The away fans, complete with drum, big flag and a man holding a stopwatch (who occasionally shouted out random times to the crowd around him) looked on nervously, feeling a home goal coming before too long.

With time ticking down they threw everything at the visitors.  In the ninetieth minute they had a final corner.  Bambrook’s corner found that jet stream again and the ball hit the post and there was a big shout for the ball having crossed the line.  ”Play on” shouted the referee and a smart overhead kick from Jackson looked like it was blocked on the line by a Warrington hand.  ”Play on” came the shout again from the referee but it was too late. Warrington took the spoils and the Farsley fans had to content themselves with a balm cake and a pint of Tetley. It hadn’t been the best of games (unlike the Guiseley game which had ended 4-3), but it had been a warm welcome from a club who pride themselves on being at the heart of the community.

Hartch kindly took us back into the bright lights of Leeds.  The girls were already tucking into the free bar so it was rude not to join them.  By 9pm we had ventured out into the city and stumbled upon the BierKeller.  The place was heaving.  Five hours later after an evening of Oompa music, thigh slapping and general dancing and singing to songs that would really embarrass the kids we headed home, tired, partly deaf but battle hardened.  My journey to New Eltham to New Pudsey  was complete.

It is amazing to think that clubs were average attendances sometimes barely break 2,000 can muster ten or twenty times that when there is a cup final in the offing.  Take the example of last season’s FA Trophy Final.  Darlington played local rivals Mansfield Town at Wembley Stadium.  The attendance?  24,668 which was less than in previous years.  Nearly 15,000 had come down the M1 from Nottinghamshire for their first appearance at Wembley Stadium.  Yet in the fixtures between the two sides earlier in the season the crowds had been 2,234 and 1,614 respectively.

Or who can forget the site of Luton Town legend Mick (friend of The Ball is Round) Harford holding aloft the Johnstone Paints Trophy at Wembley Stadium in April 2009?  The Hatters were about to be demoted from the Football League thanks to the ridiculous 30 point penalty levied on them by the authorities yet nearly 40,000 fans had made the short hop down from Bedfordshire for the game.  40,000 is quite a difference to the average 6,019 who attended games at Kenilworth Road during the season.

The magic of the cup eh!

Lewes are another side starved of cup final glory.  Our Wembley aspirations this season were firmly shut by Bonfire night thanks to away defeats to lower league Chertsey Town in the FA Cup and Harlow Town in the FA Trophy.  Our last cup final was many-a-year ago in the Sussex Senior Cup (in 2006 to be precise) so like most fans at this level, The Rooks feel they deserve a chance to dust down the Rosettes and the tin-foil replica’s of the trophy.

Despite the early exits in the two FA competitions we had made steady progress in the other two cups available to us.  In the Sussex Senior Cup victories over Wick and East Grinstead have set up a mouth-watering local derby next week with Eastbourne Borough but first up was the quarter final of the Ryman League cup against AFC Sudbury.

The competition, which had been renamed the Alan Boon Trophy in honour of the ex-Staines Town chairman who had done so much for Non League football had proved to be incredibly competitive this season.  Lewes had overcome Crawley Down and Folkstone Invicta in the early rounds before being drawn away to Met Police in December.  A hard fought 2-1 victory put the Rooks in the last eight of the competition and fortunately avoided a long away trip (also in the draw was Lowestoft Town and Bury Town – both 3 hour plus away trips).  Instead a home tie against Ryman League North AFC Sudbury was our reward.

That is not to take anything away from the Suffolk club.  We visited them last season, thoroughly enjoying the afternoon in the sunshine at their smart King’s Marsh ground.  They have tasted success before as a non-league side, reaching three consecutive FA Vase finals.  Alas it was in the period when Wembley was being rebuilt and so they cannot wear the “I’ve played at Wembley” badge.

After the impressive turn out on Saturday for the visit of Kingstonian it would be interesting to see how many would be back for this match.  Cheap admission (just £5 for the 700+ Lewes Members), warmer weather (a balmy 13 degrees forecast for East Sussex), the lure of a cup semi-final appearance and the second game of Simon Wormull’s temporary stewardship of the team.  All valid reasons for people to get on down to the Pan for this one to see if Lewes could join Lowestoft Town and Bury Town in the semi-final draw and be just one step away from the final at Staines Town’s Wheatsheaf Park.

This really was a journey and a half on a wet and misty evening for the visitors and it was no surprise that we received notice from them that they were delayed north of the river.  As time ticked on the referee instructed the Sudbury players to be “changed and ready for action” by the time they arrived at the Pan, which they duly did around 7.45pm.  A quick warm up on the pitch and it was time for the fate of the two teams to be decided.

Lewes 1 AFC Sudbury 1 – The Dripping Pan – Wednesday 18th January 2012
As a neutral penalty shoot outs are the best invention ever.  As a fan who is watching one unfold in front of you it is a completely different affair.  Every time a player comes up to take one you feel yourself trying to get into their head, trying to work out what they will do.  At 10.08pm last night when, after eleven spot kicks, Lewes keeper Rikki Banks dived low to his left and pushed the ball out we could all breathe a sigh of relief.  This extended torture was not in the script.

The game had started with both teams playing some decent football.  Sudbury surprised the home fans with their expansive play and created the first real chances of the game which Banks had to be alive to.  Lewes rarely threatened the Sudbury keeper in the first half an hour, and what balls were pumped into the box were easily handled by their keeper.  Michael Malcolm saw his toe poke past the keeper roll agonizingly for the Lewes fans towards the goal but then hitting the post and falling to safety.

However, as if to remind the Lewes fans standing on The Jungle that football can be a fickle master, Sudbury then went and took the lead when Robbie Martin’s “lofted” shot flew over Bank’s head.  This was not in the script.  Fortunately the lead only lasted ten minutes as Matt Somner powered in a near post header from a Nanetti cross to level the scores.

I don’t think any neutrals or Sudbury fans could say that the second half wasn’t one way traffic as Lewes pounded the visitors goal.  The Rooks had three shouts for penalties which 99% of officials would have given (well, two of them anyway – the third appeared to have been committed inside the area but he gave it outside) and Malcolm, Booth and youngster Howell all went incredibly close.

With five minutes to go we had a horrible thought – “Does Simon Wormull know if the game finished all square it goes straight to penalties?”. ClubSec Kev was dispatched to the bench to find out – fortunately he knew which was handy as at just on 10pm the referee blew full time and the game would be decided by spot kicks.

I could describe them all in glorious detail, but instead Lewes owner Matt Holland filmed all of the tension on his trusty iPhone where I can be seen in the foreground as calm as anything (in front of Big Deaksy, who is the big chap in front of camera).
watch?v=IQ-_zq9swAg

There always has to be a winner and a loser in penalties, and whilst we commiserate our visitors, our attentions now turn to the draw for the semi-finals and the hope we avoid long away trips to Bury Town and Lowestoft Town.

The magic of the cup is still alive and well in East Sussex.

Postscript: Just as the game was starting, the club announced that manager Steve King had left after a mutual consent agreement had been reached.

For those of you who are new to The Ball is Round you will have never come across Football Jo.  A few years ago she used to accompany me around the world to watch football.  But then she decided she really did need a boyfriend.  In the past she had a “love my football and love me” motto.  She has her own house, own car, own extensive porn collection and own teeth.  But some men couldn’t hack her commitment to the beautiful game.  So she compromised and stopped coming to strange overseas locations to watch bizarre games.  But it didn’t last and she rang me two weeks ago asking when she could come down to Lewes.  She was single again and thus she wanted to get back into football.  And what better place than The Dripping Pan.

Today’s visitors were Kingstonain, complete with Martin Tyler as their assistant manager.  Yep, THAT Martin Tyler.  One can only speculate if he commentated on the game from the bench in the same style he does for Sky Sports.

This was another Lewes game that was due to clash with Brighton.  Previous clashes had seen average gates of less than 600 and on a chilly afternoon a crowd of around that would be a good turn out.

Lewes 1 Kingstonian 1 – The Dripping Pan – Saturday 14th January 2012
It was Horsham all over again.  Lewes ended up conceding a late equaliser in a game that they should have put to bed before half time.  At least this week we didn’t see any silly antics when Lewes were awarded a first half penalty as Paul Booth took one look at the bench and Simon Wormull’s nod said it all.

Lewes started in third gear, racing forward and using the width of Nanetti and Ciardini from the first few minutes. However, it was the visitors who had the best early chance when Duff blasted over from close range.  Lewes responded, Harding danced into the area and was brought down.  Harsh?  Well, compared to one that wasn’t given later on then I would say so.  Booth stepped up and made no mistake from the spot for his tenth goal of the season.

Half way through the first period the linesman called the referee over.  A heated debate took place on the touchline with the Kingstonian bench, the result of which was the K’s manager was sent off.  In a day and age where any language seems to be acceptable on a football pitch it must have been something very bad for the red card.

Half time and to feed my hunger I queued for a burger.  ”Cheese burger please” I asked…”Chedder, Stilton or Burger Cheese?”  I can honestly say I have never been offered Stilton on a burger at a football game and it was tops.  If that is not enough to put another few hundred on the gate I don’t know what ever will.

The second half saw Kingstonian come back into the game and test Rikki Banks.  Lewes had a great shout for a penalty when Nanetti was hauled down but the referee instead chose to book the Italian for diving.  A big let off for the visitors and they made The Rooks pay.  First Banks pulled off the “save of the season” from Simon Huckle.  But the 711 in the ground could feel a K’s goal coming and with ten minutes to go Duff skipped around the normally solid Hustwick and he beat Rikki Banks to give Kingstonian a deserved equaliser.

A draw wasn’t the tonic we were looking for after a difficult week but results elsewhere still kept the Rooks in 4th place.  The cold wasn’t enough to keep away the fans and even Football Jo loved it, although that was perhaps she fell in lust with a certain little Italian with magic feet.  Here we go again.

We have grown the website in the cyber world, without any need for meetings to discuss plans – which is quite handy as we live in all different corners of England.  But a meet up was long overdue, so we pencilled in a post Christmas bash.  FA Cup 3rd round day to be precise. And with the chance of an upset on the cards, there was really only one potential venue – The American Express Community Stadium for Brighton & Hove Albion versus Wrexham. Of course it was.

Every day I pay £7.00 for the intense pleasure to be squashed into a train to London.  The journey time is less than 20 minutes (in theory) and the distance is 8 miles each way.  So imagine my surprise when a return to Brighton (57 minutes journey, 61 miles each way) was procured for just £10.  But what I hadn’t factor in on my short hop to London Bridge on this fine Saturday morning was the comedy value of two Millwall fans.  The Lions were playing at 1pm at Dagenham in the FA Cup so it was an early start for these two.  We will call them Lurch (6 foot, as thin as a pin, as thick as a pint of Brains Black) and Stumpy (5 foot as wide as a barn door) who was the brains of the operation.

Their conversation started off with some warnings that “ICF” could jump them at any moment as we passed through the leafy suburbs of Mottingham.  Lurch was confused why they were going so early, and had assumed that Dagenham was near Birmingham.  ”So that is there to do in Dagenham then?” Asked Lurch. “Naafin, but we need to get to the meet early daws”. Stumpy seemed to have digest the whole of Danny Dyer’s International Football Factories, his shifty eyes scanning the train just to make sure West Ham weren’t onboard.  ”Do you remember when we played Sunderland a few years ago?”  Asked Stumpy. “No – who were they?” “They played in red” “Ah yes” the lights came on in Lurch’s head “Faaakin caaants”.

The carriage were treated to a few more pearls of wisdom about it all “going off at Whitechapel at 11am”, and then the arrival of Fingers at New Cross was announced.  Now what would this character bring us? He sounded legendary, and the revered tones suggested that he was someone important.  Fingers turned out to be about 50, looked like Ronnie Corbett and wore a salmon pink jumper.  I could see his hands and counted ten fingers, so I can only assume his nickname came from his love of all things Captain Birdseye.  Their final act of lunacy came when they stood up to “salute” the New Den as we passed it on the train. This was a train journey I will never forget.  One day someone will make a film of it.

I met up with Damon and we were soon in the pub in Brighton enjoying the first few beers of the day with the rest of the team, and special guest Ian King from Two Hundred Percent as well as Simon, the other half of The Real FA Cup. After a short train ride to Falmer where we ticked off the FA Cup staples of some red curly wigs and a tin foil FA Cup we were downing the Harvey’s on the concourse in the West Stand, well all of us bar one – the token northerner, Hartch,  had come to the home of real ale and was drinking Fosters.

Brighton have broken the mould in the design of the little things for a stadium.  Fans want food, beer and entertainment when they go to a game.  And with plenty of portable stands, home-made pies and screens all along the length of the concourse the fans are well catered for.  There is even Brighton-themed art on the walls.  Hello fans, we want to be in the stadium for as long as possible.  Yours sincerely, BHAFC.

Brighton & Hove Albion 1 Wrexham 1 – The Amex – Saturday 7th January 2012
At 4.55pm, the Wrexham players left the perfectly manicured Amex pitch to a standing ovation.  Not only from the 3,000 travelling fans from North Wales, but from most of the Seagulls fans who had seen the Welsh team more than match their side despite their being over 50 places between them in the league structure.

Twenty years ago Wrexham pulled off one of the biggest ever shocks in FA Cup history when they beat Arsenal in the third round.  This was one of the legendary George Graham Gunners teams who were First Division Champions the season before.  However, the good times haven’t really hung around The Racecourse Ground much in the past two decades and their slip into the Non Leagues was almost accompanied by terminal financial ruin.  The hardcore Brighton fans could relate to this, remembering the game just a few years later when it was essentially win or bust for them away at Hereford United.

But this was all about the magic of the cup.  League form was put aside for 90 minutes as Wrexham gave a fantastic display of themselves, roared on by the constant noise of their travelling fans.  There was no animosity on display, there was no play-acting on the pitch from the players just a good fashion cup tie.

As we supped our half time Harveys we heard a cheer.  We assumed it was a Wrexham goal based on the muffled noise, but it was actually Jake Forster-Caskey, the youngster who can boast Darren Caskey as his Dad and Nicky Forster as his Step-Dad (or vice versa).  However, it was no surprise that Wrexham equalised when Cieslewisz waltzed into the area and his shot took a deflection of an ex-Rook, Grant Hall, and flew into the net.

So a draw was a fair result in the end.  Today’s draw saw the prize on offer of a home tie with Newcastle United which should be a huge incentive for both teams.  Our night was young though as we boosted the profits of the club’s bars for an hour or so before heading back into town to get the lowdown on Lewes’s defeat to Wealdstone from the returning Deaks and Dave.

The question we are asked all the time is “What happens when you reach 500 reasons?” Well, the answer came to us around 9.30pm in the Nelson.  The 500RTLF Beer scarf.  It was revolutionise the football experience for millions of fans. Form an orderly queue.

I have become quite a fan of the Kent Premier League in the past few seasons, primarily because it is local.  In some instances, such as Cray Valley, Erith & Belvedere and Holmsdale I can even cycle to games.   However, a cycle down (and thus at some stage, back up) the North Downs wasn’t too appealing so I had the perfect opportunity to visit on this trip.

Sevenoaks Town have been knocking around for nearly one hundred and thirty years.  However, it wasn’t until 2003 that they joined the ranks of the Kent League.  Since then they have expanded their ground, located in the picturesque Greatness Park to the north of Sevenoaks to fulfil all the grounding requirements known to man.  Floodlights, smart new changing rooms, a couple of little stands and a decent tea bar.  All ticks in the boxes.

Sevenoaks is a nice place.  In fact last week it was voted 5th in “We have more million pound houses in a single road than you” competition.  Alas the original Seven Oaks, located around the Vines cricket ground were blown down (bar one) in the 1987 great storm although today they have planted some more – in fact eight more although there are no plans to rename the town as Nine Oaks.

It was here, the grounds of Knole Park, that the Beatles made the films Strawberry Fields Forever and Penny Lane (today called “pop videos”), as well as being here where the brothers Phil and Paul Hartnoll were born and spent their time close by watching the cars on a new fangled road called the M25 that inspired the name of their group, Orbital.

Sevenoaks Town 1 Greenwich Borough 0 – Greatness Park – Monday 2nd January 2012
I arrived with barely a minute of the game gone thanks to a learner driver who was being allowed to drive at 10mph along the Tonbridge bypass.  The car park was full, leading me to believe it was a big crowd.  Alas it wasn’t.  The car park also served the children’s playground, a skateboard park and numerous dog walkers.  The ground sits at the base of a steep hill, which offers uninterrupted views of the game from a TV-gantry height free of charge.  No wonder it was so popular with the dog walkers, who would all volunteer to take the canines out on a Saturday afternoon.

I made my way initially around the ground, getting a view from all vantage points.  For clubs with such a small supporter base it must be frustrating to have spectators who essentially have a free ride whenever they are at home.

The first half was a tight, scrappy affair.  These two had come into the game propping up the table.  Both had awful home records, mustering just three points between them from their seventeen home games this season.  So the money would have surely been on a draw and judging by the first period anyone’s bets (but not mine remember) would be safe.

After a flurry of first half yellow cards the second half was a much more sedate affair.  With the moon lighting up a cloudless sky and the temperature dropping quickly Sevenoaks looked more eager for the win and made a significant change in the 74th minute when George Savage was brought on.  His first impact on the game?  Running into the area and being brought down by the keeper.  His second?  Getting up and slotting the spot kick home.  Not a bad start for the youngster.

So three points for the home side lift them out of the relegation zone and I could make my way home happy with a couple of games under my belt on a Bank Holiday.  Beats B & Q anyday.

The reasons for this were plentiful.  A local derby against one of Lewes’s oldest rivals, and one just 30 minutes away by car was always going to attract a large crowd.  Coupled with Brighton’s “local” game versus Southampton at 3pm, the fact that Lewes has become the place to “park and ride” for the Amex, as well as the local licencing laws meaning the pubs couldn’t open until midday anyway.  Finally,  Plumpton racecourse was hosting the Sussex Grand National no less (Many thanks to Eddie The Shoe for the tip on Double Dizzy) so a few of the crowd may be planning to head up to the estate of Lord Plumpton and lay a bet or two and keep him in fine wines and cigars for another year. So we (the board) voted overwhelmingly to move the game.

Every fan at this level matters. The average league attendance at The Pan this season is 599, the second best in the league behind Lowestoft Town.  But on the two occasions when the game has directly clashed with Brighton, the attendance has on average been 521. Per game, we see £11.54 spent per paying fan so that 78 difference costs us around £900.  For a small club that is quite a bit of cash.  So by moving the game to an earlier kick off not only will we not lose those 78 fans, and their £900 but we may also gain a few “early doors” Brighton fans (in theory).  And if we can get 100 of them then we will see another £780.  Grown up thinking?  We will see.

The world of watching Lewes for me changed on the 27th October when I joined the board.  I now feel the pain of every ball that is hoofed out of the ground, every player that goes down holding his leg and every Golden Goal ticket left unsold.  Such is the community spirit now within the club that there is a regular sweepstake among the Lewes Lunatic Fringe not only on the final score, but also the crowd.  Anything that starts with a 5 normally produced a frown, a 4 is a wince and a 6 or above a smile.

Today was going to be interesting though.  With a number of pubs in the area also not open until 12pm the Rook Inn could be the social hub of the town.  It would also mean I got to see my mate Hugo Langton.  One of the nicest people you could ever want to meet, I first met Hugo a year ago (well, 364 days ago) when he was a coach at Thamesmead Town.  He then joined Horsham in the same capacity in the summer and then in the Autumn stepped into the hot seat. Despite all of his efforts, Horsham are still rock bottom of the league and came into the game on the back of seven consecutive league defeats.  What odds would you get on a away win today?  Could they do a Blackburn and upset the form book?

Lewes 1 Horsham 1 – The Dripping Pan – Monday 2nd January 2011
With all three additional minutes played in this game, Lewes were wasting time in the corner, happy that a 1-0 win would take us closer to Billericay at the top of the league.  Twenty seconds our Bank Holiday world had been turned upside down as the visitors broke and scored with literally the last kick of the game.  Fair?  Well, actually to some extent, yes.

By 11.30am there was a good five hundred in the Dripping Pan, and our initial pessimistic view of a crowd of 600 looked wide of the mark.  The “Brighton factor” or more likely Danny Last’s networking, had pulled in a number of early doors Seagulls fans, resplendent in their candy striped shirts.  Extra hands were being employed in the Rook Inn and in Maria’s kitchen where Venison pasties were on the menu (They didn’t sell very well according to Mr Freemantle because they were too deer!).  The sun was shining, the beer was flowing and people were loving the early start.  What could go wrong?

Horsham’s fans had turned up in big numbers, complete with big flags.  They didn’t let up their support for their team throughout the 94 minutes, despite their team’s wretched form, and it was the visitors who had the better of the opening exchanges.  In fact if it wasn’t for the reflexes of Rikki Banks they would have been a couple of goals to the good within the first half an hour.

With such excellent weather I decided to climb to the top of the mound outside the ground to get a different perspective on things.  The mound was made, apparently, from the earth moved from the site of the Dripping Pan and commands fantastic views over the ground to the South Downs as well as Lewes Castle to the North.  Within minutes Lewes took the lead.  Nanetti crossed and the every impressive Harry Harding smashed the ball home.

As I cheered from my lofty position I saw a flash of green out of the corner of my eye.  I turned my head quickly to the side, but saw nothing.  Then again, but from the other side of the mound.  I must have been seeing things, with Northern Rachael’s punch from New Year’s Eve now taking on hallucinogenic properties.  But no – straight ahead of me panting as he climbed the final few steps was a man (I think) dressed as the Green Hornet, complete with mask and yellow gloves with flashes on.  He was followed by a man (again I think) with a blue full body suit on.  They looked at me, I looked at them and then they turned, pulled out a video camera and started shooting a make-believe super hero action scene.  Two’s company, three’s a crowd so I left…

The second half saw Lewes more comfortable on the ball. Nanetti was again teasing and tormenting the full back into mistakes, and it was inevitable he would be booked for one foul too many. However, it was a surprise that it remained 1-0 until the 72nd minute when Horsham’s Hunter, who had just saved his team with a great stop, brought down Harding in the area.

It became obvious that with first choice (Ciardini) and second choice (Booth) penalty takers on the bench, no instructions had been given to the team.  Queue a farcical scene of bickering between a group of players before rock, scissors, stone decided that Albert Jarrett would take the kick. It wasn’t the worst spot kick you will ever see but Hunter dived and parried it away.

Time ticked down and Lewes seemed happy to hang on for a 1-0 win.  But then with time up Horsham broke and the ball fell to Kedze on the edge of the box and his shot beat Banks and rippled the net.  A collective sigh went up from the crowd at one end, ecstatic cheers at the other as the form book had indeed been upset again.

It wasn’t all doom and gloom though.  The official attendance of 1,005 beat our most optimistic expectations, and was over 400 higher than our average.  If all of them spent their £11.54 it would have been a very successful financial decision to move the kick off.  Time will tell but for now we just had to be content with a point and our place in the top four.

More pictures from the afternoon can be found here.

This was no ordinary midweek game for Lewes. Well actually it was.  Let’s start again.  This was no ordinary midweek game for the Lewes away fans. It would be the first time that the Danish fan club would be seeing The Rooks.  In theory the fan club, formed back in July 2009 numbers over 60.  In practice making everyone in my Copenhagen office watch a Powerpoint once a month of the highlights of Lewes’s games probably didn’t endear many of them, and I think that one or two of them may have been responsible for grassing me up for importing Marmite and thus putting in place the ban as retribution.

So six weeks after I returned to the UK here I was taking a small group of them on the tube to watch Lewes play. Apparently they had been a small core of fans who missed their monthly slices of life in the English non leagues and so they used some excuse to wangle some time in the London office.  They may say it was co-incidence as they said they were really here to get up close and personal to The Shard, which is already Britain’s finest erection.

And also making his debut was my Partner in Carlsberg infused Crime Ben, aka Excession1, who used to live just a stones throw from The Hub and had managed to repair his relationship to the lovely Christina since I had come home.  Despite being a Spurs fan, he did know a thing or two about football and purred with excitement about seeing Nanetti in the flesh.

So off we hopped after work to the Market Porter.  Where else in London serves a better pint of Harvey’s Best to get us in the mood (well, apart from the Royal Oak)?  It is against the law to “only have one” at the Porter and so we departed a little bit later than expected.  7pm to be precise.  And one thing you have to remember is that tube and bus timetables in London do not exist.  The stated 33 minute journey actually took over 50 minutes so we were not walking into the ground until ten minutes into the game.

Tooting & Mitcham United 2 Lewes 2 – Imperial Fields – Wednesday 14th September 2011
And what had gone on in those eight minutes we missed? In the words of Frankie Goes to Hollywood – “Absolutely nothing”.  What was a pleasant surprise was the turn out from Lewes.  A very impressive number of fans, and quite a few neutrals who were slowly being converted to the ways of the Rook.  Game-a-day John had popped down, this being the only real option in the south, as too had Lizzy Ammon who loved our banter so much that by 9.45pm had signed up to be an owner of Lewes FC (as you, dear reader can too).  With her was a new face.  And what a lovely face to have watching our game – Sarah Flotel, aka SarahHotScores.  Her video pods are legendary and I was very encouraged to see her whip out the camera at various points, perhaps for a special Lewes episode.  Not that there was much to write home about in the first half.

The great thing about Imperial Fields is the view you get from behind the goals.  Quite steep terracing and old fashion crush barriers meant that the Lewes fans presented a wall of black and red for the team to kick towards.  Even with King back on the touchline after his ban, Nanetti and Ciardini working the wings well nothing really went to plan in the first period and for the first time this season The Rooks went in at half time without scoring a goal.

Results elsewhere on Tuesday night had meant that a win would take Lewes to within one point of the top of the table.  However, the talk in the bar at half time was of more pressing matters.  James Boyes and his fascination of going to a game by tram.  As a Manchester United “die-hard” you would have thought that he had been on countless trams to get to Old Trafford but apparently not.  So whilst he waxed lyrical about the nostalgic trip he had to get to the game, we disappeared to get some food.  Now here is a strange thing.  A football club deciding to stop selling food at the end of half time.  Not after 50 minutes or an hour, but as soon as the whistle went.  We had to persuade him to put on a few more burgers and even then when four more people arrived he couldn’t be arsed to cook them.

With a burger in hand it was the sign for the game to come into life.  Tooting, who had looked as blunt upfront as a the knives BA give you to eat your inflight meal these days all of a sudden realised that they were allowed to attack at home and from a dangerous cross that was cleared initially by Stuart Robinson but the rebound fell to Hall to drive the ball home.  In the time it took us to walk around the edge of the pitch to the far end it was two nil as Hall again smashed the ball home on the volley from distance.

Were the wheels coming off the Lewes machine?  After all Tooting had shipped six at the weekend, yet here they were comfortably holding a lead against one of the promotion favourites.  What we needed was a spark, and as if by magic it arrived.  The old Ciardini/Malcolm partnership struck again, as the centre forward did all the hard work in beating defenders in the box and playing a great ball across the six yard line for Ciardini to smash it home.

Just two minutes later it was all square as this time Ciardini didn’t need any help as his shot from twenty five yards took a slight deflection (although Nic claims the sound was his boot kicking the defenders – one for the dubious goals commission I think).

Lewes were on top and with just seconds left should have wrapped the game up when Nanetti’s cross was met by Malcolm inside the six yard box but his effort someone managed to go over the bar.  Sickening, but Malcolm has been on top form in the past few games so we cannot hold that miss that could cost us automatic promotion and a return to the Blue Square Bet South against him (Only joking MM!).

Full time and with Sarah kindly offering me a lift home it was all in all a mixed evening.  The Danes really didn’t know what to think, comparing it to a second level game back home, but not impressed by the lack of a sausage or two.  Our growing band of neutral Rooks still hadn’t seen us win but had at least see us score, and we had gained one more owner.  Bring on Chertsey and the magic of the FA Cup.

The fixture computer had been a bit cruel this season for Lewes, seeing us playing away on Non League Day, Bonfire Night (THE night of the year in Lewes) and New Years Eve (The last night of the year spent in the company of the Met Police isn’t that appealing I am sure you will agree).  But Boxing Day has seen us drawn to play along the coast at Hastings United, “The Arrows”.  Whilst not in the same league as the rivalry with Eastbourne Borough, it was still the game at this level between two teams from East Sussex.

You would expect this to be a bumper crowd.  Lewes, with an ever growing away support, playing just twenty miles to the east in Hastings, or “God’s overflow waiting room”.  Hastings, where Harold lost his eye and subsequently the English throne forever.  Hastings, birthplace of such distinguished world figures as Andy Bell (of Erasure fame), Harry H Corbett (of Steptoe and Son fame), My namesake Simon Fuller (of S Club 7, Spice Girls fame) and Graham McPherson (of Suggs fame).  Hastings, home of The Pilot Field.

Who wouldn’t want to miss this one?  High flying Lewes, unbeaten away from The Pan for over a month, against a Hastings side that has struggle to find consistency this season.  A mouth-watering derby, and a chance to blow away the Christmas Day cobwebs.  Just a short hop on a Southern train.  Except it wasn’t.  Southern decided that they didn’t want to run any trains on Boxing Day, and buses between the two towns are almost non-existent, so literally hundreds of fans would not be able to get to the game.  Did we expect anything different?  Not really – after all it is ONLY Non League football.

I was OK as I was driving anyway.  The Lewes FC chauffeur driven directors car was picking me up from home and taking me straight to the Executive Entrance in Hastings (OK – my Dad was driving) and for me this would be a visit to a new ground which simply doubled the excitement to fever pitched level.

Boxing Day football has always been very kind to me.  I’ve seen some absolute crackers down the years and it has long been a Fuller Family tradition that we all go to a game on Boxing Day.  Despite the fact I also try to sandwich in another half a dozen games before the New Year I was unlikely to break the tradition as it has been handed over from father to son and now to daughter as Lolly came along decked out in Hollister and Ralph Lauren.  The kids of today eh!  In my day it would have been a Y-Cardigan and a pair of stay-press Farah’s.  None of this US-branded stuff malarkey.  Have you been into a Hollister shop?  Do they not pay their electricity bills or something?  Or is it a ploy so that you don’t know what you are buying.  Anyway, teenage clothing rant over, let’s get on with some action.

Lewes came into the game on the back of a “hot streak” of away form. Five consecutive away wins sort of hot streak, and with Hastings not exactly enjoying life at the wonderful Pilot Field, my money was going on a Rooks win.  Of course, as Mr Marber reminded me, I cannot actually put money on the game.  As a director of Lewes it is one of the things I have to remember not to do, along with singing along to “sack the board” and not passing brown envelopes stuffed full of cash to strange men in dark overcoats.

We arrived in good time in Hastings and caught a glimpse of Pilot Field through the trees on the way down the hill.  It was clear that this would be a big crowd for the Arrows, in fact as it would prove, the biggest crowd of the season by some distance (689 if you must know).  The ground lived up to its reputation as one of the finest traditional arenas in the Non Leagues.  Once home to greyhound and speedway racing, the ground sits on the edge of a natural hill.  The old grass bank that once allowed the capacity to be over 10,000 cannot be used anymore but the large Lewes following behind the goal made a huge amount of noise in the cavernous stand as the teams walked out onto the pitch.

There was just time to grab a pint of Harveys, provided by Lewes FC, in the bar before the Rooks kicked off, looking to put pressure on Lowestoft in third place.

Hastings United 0 Lewes 1 – The Pilot Field – Monday 26th December 2011
With players even falling foul of the lack of public transport, Lewes started with one of the most experienced benches they have had this season with both leading goalscorers sitting out the opening period of the game.  Replacement striker Ian Draycott nearly opened the scoring in the first few minutes but his shot was well saved by the Hastings keeper.

With Jarrett and Nanetti both seeing lots of the ball it was a very positive Rooks team that dominated the first half.  Despite not being able to create many chances of their own Lewes simply did not looked troubled at the back.  Perhaps this is due to the settled back four, who have started over 70% of the games together this season.  Familiarity breeds solid defensive robustness, as the saying goes.

Harding, one of the most impressive players in the last month came the nearest to breaking the deadlock when his header somehow managed to hit the post and stay out with half time approaching.

The Lewes fans were undoubtably the stars of the first half, raising the roof on the covered terrace.  With the Non League tradition of swapping ends at half time, the Rooks fans found themselves almost on top of the action, willing the ball into the net.  We nearly had our wish on the hour mark when substitute Michael Malcolm headed the ball into the net but was harshly ruled offside.

With just ten minutes to go, Hasting’s midfielder Attwood received his second yellow card in just a few minutes and he became the victim of another refereeing decision in Lewes’s favour in the past few weeks.  The Rooks sensed victory and both Nanetti and Jarrett stuck to their wings, creating havoc with the full backs.  With just five minutes to play, Jarrett beat his man again, sent in a deep cross that was then hit back into the area and in a carbon copy of Trevor Brooking’s 1980 FA Cup winning goal, Malcolm stooped to head the ball home. Such was the relief from the players that Harry Harding ran to the crowd and was embraced by the Rooks fans as if he was Santa Claus himself.

Lewes saw out the final few minutes with some comfort and for a brief few minutes whilst we waited for the Lowestoft score to come in, rose to second in the league for the first time in three months. Captain Steve Robinson came over and shook hands with it seemed the whole away support.  Six out of six away from home demands respect and that is what the team have from the fans at the moment.

On days like today football overcame the inefficiencies of our public transport system and a bumper holiday crowd enjoyed a game free of the poison of the professional game.

More pictures from the Christmas extravagansa can be seen here.