You know what gets my goat in non league football? Well, apart spurious ground grading regulations, inept officiating, and clubs playing fast and loose with the financing rules. It is clubs, well-meaning so often, not utilising the skills base that presents itself to them on a fortnightly basis.

Clubs need fans. Of course they need their monies over the gate, over the bar, at the tea hut. But they need them in other ways, and all too often they are reluctant, unwilling, or simply too pig-headed to ask.

The old cliche of fans ganging together to pay the wages, or paint a fence, is one which we are all far too familiar with. On the one hand you would hope that clubs learn from the errors of those who went before them. But equally there is something “blitz spirit” about everyone rocking up to the ground in mid June to spruce up the changing rooms. And we do it because we want to help, to be part of the club in any small way we can. Non league football is run by volunteers, after all (at least, the *real* non league is).

But why should it stop there? On any given matchday, there will be an assortment of men and women with all manner of skills standing on the sidelines. All with their own lives, true. And not all necessarily willing or able to give their time to the club for free. But it doesn’t have to be free.

If there are builders, get them quoting for ground improvements. If there are painters and decorators, buy their remaindered stock off them for the changing rooms, the clubhouse, the boardroom. Electricians? Sort out the PA. Office workers? Spread a bit of the admin around.

When I helped a non league club a few years ago, I was setting up the Supporters Club, one of the fields we put on the membership form related to the line of work/expertise the individual brought with them. Through that, we found folk to demolish the old dugouts, and rebuild them on the other side of the pitch. We found painters willing to donate paint for the goalposts. We found someone qualified to totally overhaul the clubs’ bookkeeping. We discovered that we had contacts in the drinks industry, a local butcher whom we eagerly tapped up for matchday rolls and pies. We even had a fully qualified FA official standing around, unutilised. What price his half an hour of his time with the first team every now and again?

You may say, quite rightly, that it is easy to find most skills if a FC United crowd, or a Luton crowd. But what if you struggle to get over 50? I would argue that is still 50 people who should be asked. Not asked if they can help, not asked for money, but just asked to think if they can do anything for the club. I live in the heartland of Maggie’s legacy, and old miners are ten a-penny at old miners welfare clubs like Rainworth and Clipstone. Their skills may not be transferable, but their presence could invaluable. Who do they know? By conducting so much of their business behind closed doors, clubs are limiting the pool of people who can help. So often so quick to ask for money, I would argue that time and expertise is much more valuable with non-league football.

Ask, and more often than not, people are happy to help. Sometimes for free, sometimes for “mates rates”. But people assume, laughably, that those who run football clubs know what they are doing. The opportunity to include, rather than exclude, is one that any forward-thinking chairman should be looking at embrace.

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Dartford came close to making the step from the Non Leagues to the Football League on a number of occasions, the last one was in 1974 after they won the Southern League, and reached the final of the FA Trophy.  Ten years later, after the formation of the Football Alliance (basically now the Blue Square Bet Premier), they finished third, the highest place they have finished in their history.  Since then it was a tale of woe that saw them penniless and homeless in a space of a few years.  A nomadic existence followed at places like Erith, Thurrock and Gravesend before a local council with a vision stepped in, finding them a home back in the town.

Not just any old home though.  Must has been written, and awards have been won for the 4,100 capacity Princes Park, just over half a mile away from the old ground (now of course houses) in Watling Street.  You can read all about what makes the stadium so different here but suffice to say its bloody marvellous.  Just a few months before the ground was opened in 2006, Terry Burnham was re-appointed as manager with the club in the lower reaches of the Southern League.  Since they have never looked back, rising through the leagues until they reached the Blue Square Bet South for the start of the 2010/11 season.

This season has been their best yet.  An epic battle with eventual champions Woking went to the last games of the season, whilst average attendances have top 1,200 – the best the club has had for three decades.  But it is still not a finished job.  One game is left.  One game that would shape the season.  One game that would take them back to where they were nearly 40 years ago in that elite group of Non League clubs.

Standing in their way was Welling United from just down the A2.  The Wings themselves were looking to return to the top level of Non League football where they had played for a magnificent fourteen seasons up until 1999/2000 season.  They had a corker of a season as well, finishing in third place under the guidance of highly rated manager Jamie Day.

To say this was the biggest game Kent had seen in years was an understatement.  As soon as the two clubs won their semi-finals against Basingstoke Town and Sutton United respectively, all the talk was of this one.  Tickets went on sale for just 10 hours.  4,100 of them were snapped up, making it the first sell out at the ground since the opening fixture back in November 2006.

Fortunately, CMF had been employed to camp out at the ground all night to be one of the first to get our tickets.  Don’t worry – I made her some soup and bought her a copy of Women’s Own to read.  It didn’t rain that much anyway so all was well as she came home on Wednesday, slammed four tickets on the table and disappeared up to the bedroom.  Danny, Deaks and Dave would be pleased.

Win this game and you would be swapping an away trip in front of 200 to the likes of Weston-super-Mare or Thurrock for Lincoln City, Grimsby Town or Hereford United.  The revenue gap between the two leagues is huge, and that is why it is sometimes a step too far for some clubs, such as Bath City and Hayes & Yeading, although both Dartford and Welling United can take comfort from the excellent progress made by Braintree Town this season in the Premier after promotion.

For such a local game it we were letting the train take the strain.  Just a twenty minute from TBIR Towers to Dartford would give us plenty of time for a spot of culture.  Perhaps a visit up to East Hill to see the site of the former City of London Lunatic Asylum (they called apples, apples back in the day), then onto York Road where the Duke of York surrendered to King Henry VI and finally to Powder Mill Lane, where of course we all remember John Spillman set up the first paper mill in England back in 1588. Alas, we had tried to get access to the little known Dartford Cable Tunnel, which runs under the Thames to Essex and is owned by the National Grid but our request to “leapfrog the Thames” had been flatly refused.  So instead we had to make do with such fine historical establishments as the Malt Shovel, The Wat Tyler and the Rose which was once owned by larger than life Darts player Andy Fordham.

Dartford 1 Welling United 0 – Princes Park – Sunday 13th May 2012
I am always confused as to in which games it is the performance or the result are more important.  This was certainly one game where it was all about the result, which was quite fortunate because as a spectacle it failed to live up to the pre-game hype and the explosive start that Dartford made.

The game had been sold out for days and to be honest we expected some sort of chaos outside the ground.  Being English we of course left the pub with twenty minutes to go and got to the ground with a few minutes to spare.  But it seemed that the vast majority of the 4,088 crowd were already in situ.  For the first time in what seems like months I was going to be watching a game in England with the sun shining.  After all, the cricket season was only 6 weeks old!

As soon as we found a spot on the terrace underneath the big wooden man Dartford took the lead with a goal worthy of winning any play off final.  Lee Noble picked the ball up in midfield after just two and a half minutes, took the ball forward and fired the ball from 25 yards into the bottom corner of the Welling net. Bosh…First blood to the Darts.

One should have been two a few minutes later when the direct approach from the home side saw the ball find Bradbrook unmarked in the six yard box but he headed wide.  Welling then found their rhythm although it was a little bit in the style of Stoke City.  There seemed to be far too many end passes hit long and high to no one in particular and whilst Welling won the half in terms of percentages, the score reflected the chances on goal.

We headed up in the Princess Suite for some half time refreshments.  The licencing laws in this country are truly bizarre.  Whilst beer could be served in this huge bar, blinds were pulled down to stop anyone looking at the game.  You could peer around the edge of the blinds and get a sneak view, but woe betide anyone who tried to raise the blinds even an inch.  Tut tut.  With one of the most exciting Premier League campaigns unfolding on the huge TV screens quite a few fans decided to stay in the bar, meaning we got their front row seats. Nice!

The second half was more of the same.  Welling tried to push forward but the solid Darts defence more often than not repelled borders. Despite player/manager Jamie Day trying to change the rhythm of the game, Dartford looked too strong.

Despite our intention not to let events elsewhere affect our viewing pleasure, it was hard not to keep an interested ear and eye on the top of the Premier League.  Even the Darts players had an interest as one of them asked what the latest scores were when he came over to take a throw, looking in disbelief when we told him QPR were winning at Man City.  Four minutes of injury time were displayed and despite a late rally by the Wings, Dartford held firm and I do not think I have seen anyone run so quick as the referee as he headed for the tunnel, blowing the whistle as he ran down the tunnel.  Good to see solidarity with his linesmen who stayed on the pitch trying to retrieve the ball.

Dartford were promoted.  They had finished second on merit and were now going up to the top level of non league football after a 26 year gap. Manager Tony Burman has very carefully and cleverly built a team that can compete at every level they have played and you can see that some of the work is already in place for next season.

As for Welling? Another great season punching above a number of teams who have more financial resources (Chelmsford City and Havant to name but two).  They would be back I am sure next season when the competitive landscape without Woking and Dartford (and with Bath and Hayes coming in opposite direction) is easier.  But who knows what Non League football will throw up.

But in the middle of that Wembley will host a bizarre game that still defies reason as to why a stadium that costs literally hundreds of thousands of pounds just to unlock the doors would be the venue. The FA Carlsberg Vase Final (ironic name given you cannot drink beer and watch a game in the final) typically gets crowds of less than 10,000 and apart from a “day out” for the clubs involved, it is a strange game to justify. This years final is all the more baffling as it involves two teams who have already played each other four times this season, play in the same league and are barely 30 miles apart in the furthest league away from Wembley Stadium.

On Sunday 13th May West Auckland Town will take on Dunston UTS not in front of the 140-odd who saw their last meeting this season but a figure of close to 10,000. They met early in the season in the FA Cup twice as well as in the league with the scores on the door at one win each and two draws.

Is there any real need to expect the fans to make the 600 mile round trip for this game? Couldn’t some sensibility be used here? Surely if the FA deemed the final should be at Wembley then play it on the Saturday as part of a double header with York City and Newport County, who will be competing for the FA Trophy in front of around 25,000. Alternatively, why not play the game at St James’ Park or the Stadium of Light which would undoubtably provoke more local interest and a significantly bigger crowd.  During the “Inbetween” years of 2000 and 2006 the final was played around the country at Villa Park, White Hart Lane, St Andrews and Upton Park.

The FA dictate the minimum ticket price for these games and the £25 that adults will be charged for the game is a 500% mark up on the regular admission price for a game at either side. Part of these receipts will flow back down to the clubs, but as much as if the final would have been played in the North East? St James’ Park and the Stadium of Light would be good venues and still give the teams involved a Premier League venue and probably a good few thousand on the gate.

Anyway, what about the two teams involved at Wembley this Saturday? One is automatically drawn to the romantic story of West Auckland Town, who have a very good claim to be the first ever World Cup winners.

Back in the early years of the 20th century there was no international competition between nations outside of the Olympic games. A jolly Englishman by the name of Sir Thomas Lipton, the creator of the Lipton’s Tea brand, had the brainwave of a tournament featuring the best club sides from some of Europe’s biggest footballing nations. He floated the idea to the Italians, Germans and Swiss and they agreed to send Torino, Stuttgarter Sportfreunde and FC Winterthur to the tournament in Turin. Unfortunately the FA refused to nominate anyone, so Lipton invited a team of coal miners from the village of West Auckland in County Durham (to this day the reason is still unknown why they were chosen by Lipton). They accepted and went onto win the Sir Thomas Lipton Trophy by beating first the Germans and then the Swiss team in the final.

Two years later they were invited back to retain their trophy which they did by demolishing Juventus 6-1 in the final, taking the cup back to the North East where it remained until it was stolen in 1994. As part of the 100th anniversary of the win in 1909 West Auckland took on Juventus again, although their contrasting fortunes since the original tournament meant it was their under20’s side that lined up against the Englishmen, running out easy 7-1 winners.Their amazing tale was made into a TV film starring the likes of Richard Griffiths, Tim Healy and Dennis Waterman in the mid 1980’s.

Debts forced the original team to disband and reform as the current entity in 1914 and since then they have been a feature of the Northern League. Their golden era was in the early Sixties where they won the Northern League and Cup double in 1959/60 and reached the final of the FA Amateur Cup where they lost to Walthamstow Avenue at Wembley Stadium in front of a crowd of 45,000.

Whilst Juventus today make do with games against AC Milan, Napoli and Roma, West Auckland have rivalries with Bedlington Terriers, Billingham Synthonia and Jarrow Roofing. And of course Dunston UTS.

The Fed as they are known, used to be called Dunston Mechanics and Dunston Federation Brewery before an agreement with current sponsors, the engineering firm UTS Ltd who also sponsor the ground (The UTS Stadium no less). Their history is none so glamorous as West Auckland’s having only been formed in 1975. Two back to back Northern League titles in 2004 and 2005 (as well as winning the Northern League Cup in the same years) have been their best achievements although due to grading issues they have not been able to take their place in the Northern Premier League structure.

Both sides can lay claim to very good league campaigns.  West Auckland finished just two points off top spot in 2nd place, whilst Dunston were a place and five points behind, although few other leagues could boast the points tally of the top three being on average 92.6 and over 2.2 per game.  But the Wembley tie will be the biggest in either club’s history.  There is also the reputation of the North East to bear in mind in the FA Vase, with the trophy being held in the past three years by Whitley Bay.  In fact their loss to West Auckland ended a run of 29 games and 1,420 days without defeat – a record in this competition.

Photos thanks to Andy Hudson’s Gannin’ Away website

Many people looking at Euro 2012 Odds were expecting current Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp to become the man to take over from Fabio Capello, however the FA have approached Hodgson and insist he is the only manager they have spoken too.

The West Brom manager has been in charge a lot of teams in many different countries, including spells at International level.

Hodgson is certainly a highly regarded manager, although his poor spell as Liverpool boss in the 2010/11 did dent his reputation slightly.  The 64-year-old could be perfect for England, after working in a variety of countries he knows how other nations play their football, whereas Redknapp has only ever worked in the English game.  The former Switzerland and Finland boss has delivered stability to West Brom this season and the club certainly had looked to be on the rise with him at the helm.

Many people have said that Hodgson’s only real success has come when he has been at average teams, possibly over achieving. Well, on recent form and results, this England side is a very average team compared to the likes of Spain, Germany and Holland.

The England managers job has looked somewhat of a poisoned challis in the past, with no-one really coming out of it with much credit.

Harry Redknapp, as well as some people ready to assess England Euro 2012 Odds, may certainly be a little bit confused as to why he has not even been given an interview.

It is a strange decision from the FA who seem to have put all their hopes in Hodgson, if he doesn’t impress in his interview, would the likes of Redknapp want the job knowing they weren’t number one choice?

You cannot deny that the two time Inter Milan manager has a CV that not too many people in the game can compete with. With his experience and know how he could deliver success to an England side that have not performed in a major tournament for some years

London Wasps 10 Newcastle Falcons 14 – Saturday 5th May 2012 – Adams Park

It was a tough choice…Stay at home to watch Chelsea and Liverpool play out the Cup Final on the box…. or travel to High Wycombe to see Wasps against Newcastle in a Premiership decider. So I was probably one of the few punters who were happy to see the Wembley game kick off at 5.15. All the final round of Premiership matches were scheduled to kick off at 2.00, so it was an easy choice to make.

The former Wasps great Lawrence Dallaglio, who had led Wasps to some of their greatest triumphs until he retired in 2008, described it as “the most important game in the club’s history.” It was hard to disagree with him. The cost of failure could be measured not simply in financial terms-although that could run onto millions of pounds- but the effect on the lives and careers of many associated with these two historic clubs. If Wasps were to be relegated it could mark the start of an inexorable decline. For Newcastle it would mean the end of 16 years in the Premiership-they were the first Premiership champions-and possibly the loss of an important outpost for professional rugby in the north-east.

Adams Park is not the most accessible of grounds. You can park next door to the stadium, but there is only one access road to the industrial estate where Adams Park lies and post-games cars are held up to allow pedestrians priority. I would recommend leaving the car at the Cressex Park and Ride facility near Junction 4 of the M40 and catching the free bus which drops you off about 100 yards from the stadium. Even in the post-game rush this worked pretty well. There is a large Asda near the car park so you can do your shopping while the traffic eases.

And nothing succeeds like the fear of failure. Wasps attracted their first capacity crowd-10,516 worried souls- for many a season for this showdown. Neither side made a compelling case that they were worthy of Premiership status.

The scenario was simple…Wasps needed one point to avoid possible relegation. Newcastle needed a bonus-point win by more than seven points, or a win by 24 clear points. The losing bonus point from the last game away to Bath-pilfered when the Bath player Sam Vesty was tackled just before the line by Wasps winger Tom Varndell as he waved to the crowd in premature celebration of a try that never was- was now worth its weight in gold. The improbable never looked likely as the Falcons only took the lead for the first time with four minutes to go.

The final whistle was received with relief rather than jubilation. By finishing one point above Newcastle, Wasps ensured their Premiership future, and that a projected takeover of the club will go ahead. Newcastle now have to hope Bristol fail to win the championship, as theirs is the only ground deemed suitable for the Premiership. As Falcons Director of Rugby Gary Gold put it: “We won the battle, but lost the war. “Maybe not…..And I was home in time to see Ramires put Chelsea ahead against Liverpool.

Quite how and why we ended up on a train that would have put a British Rail football special after West Ham, Millwall and Chelsea had traveled on it in the luxury category is still unclear. As usual I blame Danny Last. He saw a Youtube video, and that is always how these things start.

“Stu – look at this video. It is the maddest local derby of all time. We HAVE to be at this one next season.” That is always how it starts. And then there are the emails with links to flight times, hotels that are “just perfect” and before I know we are at Gatwick airport at 4am with a pint of Guinness for breakfast waiting for a 6am flight to a place where most rational people had never heard of, let alone visited. Spakenburg, Lodz, Trnava, Coxyde, Amiens, Rome. You name the place and it is more than likely that we have turned up there at some point.

But this trip was different. Not one crazy derby but two. Two days. Two countries and four sets of fanatical fans  ”in theory”. And to make it even more “interesting”, we were entering a land that had been torn apart by Europe’s biggest civil war, acting as the 21st century Peacekeepers. As if football ever really healed any rifts like this.

Earlier in the season the seeds had been sown by Andy Hudson who had blagged his way into the Belgrade derby at the Red Star stadium. He enthused about the atmosphere, the fireworks and flares, the songs, the chanting oh and the football wasn’t bad either. This man knows his football and after he said we HAD to be at the return game, we begrudgingly agreed. After all, you do not mess with a man who is Hebburn Town’s biggest fan. Begrudging in Danny and my volcabulary actually means we ask our respective wives before we book any travel.

So after making another withdrawal from the PSF fund (Petrol Station Flowers), I had my CMF visa approved. She was a bit worried though. She too had seen Hostel and seen how easily led the three chaps were by scantily clad women. But I was able to reassure her about safety in numbers as well as learning the Serbian word for stranger (“странац”) that I would shout loudly and point if anyone like Ana Ivanovic started getting their kit off on the train.

As a further safety measure we recruited a fourth pair of hands. You have to do these trips in pairs you see. When you walk down the mean streets of Spakenburg you need the reassurance of a hand of a friend. So what if people think you are a couple. You know you aren’t – you just are a little bit scared of that big mob of Dresden fans with sticks marching towards you. So along with Danny and Andy, Kenny Legg had completed our foursome. Kenny Legg. A man who literally carries the hopes of tinpot adventures in Non League on his shoulders. Belgrade’s gain would be Weymouth’s loss for a weekend.

The plan for these trips always takes the same format. Let’s go to game X…oh hang on, if we go a day earlier we can get to game Y…woah, hold on. Just 100 miles away the following day is game Z. So our initial plan for a weekend of football in Belgrade took a turn for the better when it was discovered that “just” over the border was another local derby. Zagreb. Capital of Croatia. Home of the famous “Blue Boys” of Dinamo Zagreb. Sounds perfect you may say. Indeed but the “main” Zagreb derby was moved from Friday to Saturday, leaving us with the “other” derby – Lokomotiv v Lucko. Granted it was in the Maksimir, the national stadium, but even still, an average attendance of 259 means there would be more fans at Harrogate Railway Athletic v Wakefield than this derby. In fact, with the average attendance in the Prva HNL is currently less than 2,000 it is more like Blue Square Bet South than Premier League.

This was not my first visit to the capital of Croatia. Oh no. If you believe the stories of the Current Mrs Fuller you would have her believe that I nearly died the last time I was there. It was never an issue. I mean walking along the road, wearing full England kit (it is a long story) towards a few hundred strong group of the most fanatic Croatian fans whilst saying things down the end of a phone like “Oh shit, we are going to die” and “The will is in the box under the bed”. I mean who would really take that seriously? Granted, when I didn’t answer the phone for the next three hours or the TV pictures of the crowd trouble prior to the game it may have been a bit worrying but surely an over reaction?

Game 1 – HD Zagreb 1 NK Radnik 1 – Friday 4th May 2012 – Stadion NSC Stjepan Spajic

So, I had pitched up in Zagreb on Friday afternoon, starry-eyed and looking for adventures. And beer. You have to remember that the only thing more important than the football on these trips is a beer. And of course the Croatian Dinar meant we were almost beer millionaires.  Danny, Kenny and Andy were in position already at our first football game of the weekend – a cheeky little encounter on the way in from the airport between NK Hrvartski Dragovoljac and NK Radnik at the Stadion NŠC Stjepan Spajic. With the sun shining, we raised a glass to our colleagues back in England, still working, still getting wet.

It seemed the fashion in these parts was for bum bags.  All the trendy youngsters had them, whilst the older generation went for the washbag style of accessory, once made trendy by Fraser Digby.  There were a fair selection of Croatian WAGS in attendance, obviously lured to the game by the huge floodlights, club branded popcorn and Andy Hudson.  It is always about Andy Hudson.

Our first game of the Slavic extravaganza ended 1-1.  We lasted until half time before the lure of a beer in the sunshine came calling.  Oh how we laughed at the plight of the sodden  people back home.   One taxi later and we were at the Maksimir, the national stadium and for tonight, hosting THE biggest game in Croatia.

So what can I tell you about the current state of football in these parts before I lose you in boredom. If you thought that Scottish or Portuguese football was dominated by just two or three teams, then welcome to Croatia and Serbia. Their leagues have been completely dominated by just two teams since the break up of the Yugoslavian state in 1991. Hadjuk Split and Dinamo Zagreb in Croatia, Partizan and Red Star in Serbia. Those four have won every title bar two in the last twenty years. And guess what? This season the title has already gone to Dinamo and Partizan with rounds still left to play.

Game 2 – Lokomotiv Zagreb 2 Lucko 2 – Friday 4th May 2012 – The Maksimir, Zagreb

So surely there was still some interest in the other games being played?  Obviously not as we grabbed our beers and headed into the main stand in the Maksimir.  Everything was very blue – we could tell that as only around 100 of the 38,000 seats in the stadium were being used.  Coming into the game, Lucko were the form team yet Danny managed to gets odds of 6/1 on an away victory.  What could go wrong?

What indeed.  Despite an early trade of goals by M Pejic (surely not Mike Pejic, the Everton , Stoke and Villa full back) for Lucko and then Brozovic for Lokomotiv is wasn’t the best of games.  Stoke v Wolves comes to mind.  As the half progressed then the darkest cloud in the world slowly drifted over the completely open air stadium.  Threatening?  Nah.  It would blow over.

Fifteen minutes into the second half Lucko took the lead again.  Rak turned the ball in and Danny was sitting on a pot of cash.  In fact he could literally claim to be a Serbian Millionaire.  But once again Lokomotiv came back at them and ten minutes later Škvorc equalised.  It was now anyones game.  But then Mother Nature got involved. Just as Kenny and Andy had been dispatched on beer duty the rain started to fall.  In fact it was as if someone upstairs had found all of that missing water from our reservoirs and dumped it on the Maksimir.

We had no option but to seek refuse in the Executive Boxes.  In fact within seconds every member of the crowd had jumped into the VIP area.  That was all except Kenny and Andy who came back into the stand and were greeted with thousands of rows of empty seats, like a scene from a Stephen King film.  Oh how we all laughed until we realised that it was our pints that were become more watered down than a Fosters at the Oval.

With the rain turning the pitch into a boating lake neither team could actually do anymore that hoof the ball up front.  Danny thought he had sewn up his winnings when Lucko broke 3 v 1 and with the goal gaping in front of Rak but the ball across the box never reached him, sitting instead in a puddle on the penalty spot.  Full time meant honours even but not for us band of explorers.  We went down to the concourse and tried to find the “Magic Door”.  We didn’t have to look hard and just a few minutes after the game ended there we were cavorting around the Ricardo seats.

So after a few nightcaps near the stadium it was time to head onto our train and into the wilds of Serbia.  Or was it Bosnia?  Who knows, who cares.

Fast forward seven hours.  Our carriage is bathed in sunshine, streaming through the window and lighting up Andy’s arse like a beacon.  We have arrived in Belgrade.  At some point in the night we awoke to find two policemen with machine guns and dogs in our carriage but assumed that was something to do with the smell.  If only the aroma could be bottled and sold on the markets of Essex we would be millionaires.

We were met at Belgrade station by all round top man Nenard.  This man could body double for Hagrid if they ever fancied doing a Serbian remake of Harry Potter and the Derby Tickets (Хари Потер и Дерби Улазнице if you asked). He guided us through the essentials such as taking £80 out of the cashpoint and not the £8 we had just got (Belgrade is cheap but not that cheap), how to avoid ticket inspectors on the trams and buses, and of course how to find magic doors.  First stop, of course, was a ground.  Home of FK Rad in the Belgrade suburbs just to wet our appetite. Second stop, his house to sate that very appetite with a spread laid on by his Mum that was outstanding.

This was hospitality of the top order.  His Mum couldn’t speak any English yet made sure we were fed, water and fed again before going out on the beers.  Breakfast has more meat than you could shake a stick at, homemade grape brandy and something called Lazy Cake which filled a hole.

We waved goodbye to our host and headed off into the big city lights for a pleasant day of sightseeing, sunshine and of course more than a few beers.

Everything you have heard about Belgrade is true.  Yes, the women are stunning.  Yes, the city still shows scars from the conflicts twenty years ago, and yes beer is indeed £1.20 a bottle.  We sat on the terrace of the Kalemegdan Citadel for a few hours discussing Eighties music, life in Serbia and of course football before Andy’s pasty northern chest couldn’t take it anymore and he went and sat in the shade.  But it was football time, and a short cab ride later (in a 20 year old Lada) saw us paying 400 Serbian Dinar (£2.80) to enter the OFK Stadion for our first slice of Serbian Super League action.

Game 3 – OFK Belgrade 2 Metalac GM – Saturday 5th May 2012 – Omladinski Stadion
Midtable v bottom in most top leagues in Europe may generate a few thousand fans.  But in Serbia there really is only Partizan and Red Star.  Despite only being a few points off a Europa League game there was less than 100 fans in the crumbling 19,000 capacity Omladinski stadium.  The club actually played in the Europa League in 2010 at the stadium which just shows the farce of ground grading in England that a stadium where there are no floodlights, no food facilities and unsafe terraces.  But safe it was deemed by UEFA who allowed Galatasaray to travel here in the 3rd qualifying round last year and won 5-1 in front of over 6,000 fans.

But today in the sunshine there was about 60 here, and apart from a dozen or so noisy home fans it seemed like the only atmosphere came from the toilet block in the corner that should have been condemned a long time ago.  I have no idea how clubs can make money at this level.  Gate receipts could not have topped £250 – who pays the players, the officials et al? There wasn’t even a club shop selling OFK slippers!

We only had time for a quick Souness, needing some food before the big one.  Another Lada later and we were in a bar on the other side of town, ticket for the derby in hand and feeling very good with life.  It was showtime!

Game 4 – Partizan Belgrade 0 Red Star Belgrade 1 – Saturday 5th May 2012 – Partizan Stadium
Let’s face it – who wouldn’t have wanted to be in the thick of thousands of fanatical fans holding up their flares at this one?  Well, having suffered with a chest infection for a week, it wasn’t the wisest idea for me to be taking in huge lung-fulls of acrid smoke, but that is why God created Amoxicillin right?  Once you have experienced the atmosphere at one of these games you cannot wait for your next fix.  It is like a drug and your dealer is Danny Last.

The police presence around the ground was organised and very visible.  The riot police had been deployed in units of ten at almost every junction, meaning a very quick reaction to any trouble if it kicked off.  Entry into the ground was also smooth without any of the hassle we have experienced elsewhere in the world.

So to the game itself.  Partizan had won the league the previous week and had agreed to keep any celebrations low key in such a tinderbox atmosphere.  Fat chance of that with the fans organising their own celebration with banners mocking their opponents as well as more than a few digs at manager Avram Grant.  Ah, Avram (and by digs I mean coins, lighters and kitchen sinks being thrown at him as he exited the pitch at half time).  How we miss your wonderful cheery personality and clueless tactics from East London.  It is good to see you retain your popularity oversees.

The game itself wasn’t a classic.  In fact it was a shocker.  Neither team could improve their league position and so with Champions League qualification already sorted it became a bit of a bore draw, only livened up by the antics of the fans at either end.  In fact you could have quite easily suggested (as we did) that a 0-0 draw had been agreed beforehand just to keep all of the natives happy.

But then just as we were looking forward to a quiet night in the town centre, Red Star’s Cadu popped up and scored in the third minute of injury time. To say the place went mad is a bit of an understatement.  All of a sudden the Red Star fans flowed onto the running track, mobbing the players.  The brave referee tried to get them back to restart the game but after a few more seconds of play he called time on proceedings and ran for cover.

Queue even more celebrations from the Red Star players in front of their fans.  It was as if they had won the league, rather than just the bragging rights for the last meeting of the season.  Players, some almost stripped naked by the fans sprinted for the tunnel and the away fans decided to set fire to a few seats to celebrate.

Again, organisation outside the stadium was efficient and we saw no hint of trouble.  In fact within thirty minutes of the final whistle we were back in the bar with Red Star’s biggest fans (Nenerd and of course Andy Hudson). For all the colour of the game click here.

A few more two pound beers (we were paying the premium for drinking in the Irish Bar by this point) and it was time to bid Belgrade a good night, ready for what tomorrow would throw at us.

Day three of the adventure began with a civilised breakfast.  It was voting day in the Serbian Elections and our choice of candidate Jadranka Šešelj (purely on looks I hasten to add) although after we discovered her husband is on trial at The Hague for war crimes we revoked our support and hoped that politics was the winner instead. For us it was more football (of course it was), starting off with a trip to watch FK Belgrade in the third division.

Game 5 – FK Belgrade 2 PBK 2 – Sunday 6th May 2012 – Somewhere in Belgrade
There are few grounds in the world where there is little point in charging people to get in, but this was one.  At either end of the ground were tall blocks of flats, offering perfect views of the game to any residents.  On one side was a grass bank where at the top, through a magic door, came the fans in their droves for this Sunday morning game.

Apart from a makeshift wooden structure that could seat three old chaps, everyone else stood up.  I couldn’t see the logic in this – the grass was dry, it was in the sunshine and soon enough those Енглисх будале (English fools) were lolling around on the floor. I mean it wasn’t as if we ended up falling down the bank or anything remotely embarrassing. This was level three in Serbian football, and if I was going to have to compare it to anywhere in England, Whitehawk from the Ryman League would come to mind, although the caravan park doesn’t really translate well in Serbian.

The officials led the teams out of a little house in the corner of the ground – hang on – here was a first.  A female referee and a linesman.  The latter certainly pulled off the whole “woman in football kit” look from our vantage point.  All three officials (and let’s big up Mr Linesman here too) allowed the game to flow and it was certainly an enjoyable Sunday morning run out.  However, one is never enough on these trips, so before you could say Време аддед он we were off, hailing down a taxi to take us across the city to the Zârkovo for their game.

So off we went, driving past the new bridges over the rivers that were destroyed by the NATO bombs in the early Ninties, waving a “hello” at the World Rowing Championships (“Go Team GB” or something) before the taxi driver turned with a confused look.  He simply couldn’t find the ground.  ”That’s no problem – we can ask Google Maps”.  Oh how this would bight me on the arse later.

But for now we located the ground, paid the cab and went in search of game number 6.  Except game number six wasn’t there.  Nothing was there. The ground was just empty.  Step up Uncle Google – there was the ground about “5 minutes on the right”. Twenty minutes later and still no game.  To shorten a long story we never did find the ground or the game despite Google’s help.  Time for lunch then and a plan B.

Plan B was a visit to Red Star’s Marakana stadium, the spiritual home of football in what used to be Yugoslavia.  Once the stadium literally shook to the sound of over 100,000 fans on regular occasions, making it one of the most intimidating places for visiting teams to come to.  The infamous Busby Babes team of 1958 played their final game before the Munich Air Crash here in 1958; The 1973 European Cup final played here saw the legendary Ajax team beat Juventus and in 1976 it hosted the finals of the European Championship, won by Czechoslovakia.   But it was closed.

Closed is not a word in our volcabulary. Just ask the question is our mantra and our response was that for a price (£8.33 to quote latest exchange rates), the door not only to the stadium, but also the press area and the Executive lounges swung wide open.  Hello boys.

So what does one do when you have got into one ground?  Try another of course, and so we set off down the hill to Partizan’s stadium.  The two grounds are separated by about 500 yards in one of the closest top level rivalries in European football.  The clear up operation was in full effect and so we decided it was beer o’ clock and headed into the courtyard adjoining the ground.  Hello, what’s this?  Of course – a magic door and even a guide to boot who didn’t need a top up on his pension.

As we left we saw a troop of players leaving the stadium, all kitted up.  Partizan Under 18′s no less off to play a game in the Military stadium just down the road.  Well, it would be rude not to drop in on that one, although we have no idea who they were playing and what the score was so I am loathed to count that as number six for the weekend.

The rest of the day was spent wandering the sites of the city, a beer, some Serbian food, a beer, a little rest, a beer and so on until that 4am wake up call drew us back to the hotel.  Serbia had been a fantastic experience, with hospitable people, prices to make you rub your eyes and a derby day experience that is up there with the best in the world.  Yes please.

The final day of the season has finally arrived. There have been times when it has felt like this day would never come along, and when it arrived, that it would be more like a wake. However, just when we appeared doomed, a run of almost championship winning form rescued us, and after the draw with Crawley two weeks ago, our future in the Football League was assured.

While unable to halt the Shrewsbury promotion party last week, the mood around the club has been much better, and we can approach this one more relaxed than we have been able to in the last few years. A win (coupled with results elsewhere) could see us finish in the giddy heights of 18th.

Today’s visitors are Bristol Rovers. Relegated with us last season, they come into this final game safely placed in 12th. The team above them, Aldershot, are eight points ahead, so they won’t be finishing any higher. However, like us, they will want to go out on a winning note.

Saturday 5th May 2012, Dagenham & Redbridge v Bristol Rovers, Victoria Road

The start is a typical end of season game, where neither have anything to play for. There is a sizeable contingent that has travelled from Bristol and a lot of them are in fancy dress, as seems to have become a tradition for the final day of the season. Amongst those in the away section, there is one Mr Blobby, one Rocky Balboa and several other assorted costumes.

The first (and only) goal of the half arrives just after the mid-way point, and Brian Woodall is the scorer. Up until that point, the closest we get to a goal is after just two minutes, when Matt Harold’s shot clips the top of the cross bar. Once the goal is scored though, it just seems to completely deflate the visitors, and although the half will end with a 1-0 scoreline, there is the threat of more to come.

Brian Woodall has improved immeasurably over the season. Signed from Gresley during last summer, I think most expected him to be a bench-warmer at best, and possibly even to spend some time away from the club on loan. However, injuries have seen him play over forty games this season, and emerge eventually as the teams top scorer. His (as it turns out, first) goal is a bit reminiscent of former Dagger Paul Benson; Josh Parker is fed the ball on the right side of the area, and his cross is met perfectly with a right footed volley that gives the Rovers keeper no chance. It’s a lovely goal, and the sort that you might have scored in a game of headers and volleys over the park with your mates.

At half time, the usual club draw results are announced, and once more I have failed to win anything; of course, if I had actually managed to buy a ticket for any of them, I might have had a bit more luck.

The last forty five minutes of a long, long season start and the Daggers are well on top. Shots by Ogogo, Spillane and Bingham keep the visitors penned back, so it is unsurprising then that, within ten minutes, its 2-0, and Woodall has netted again. Baudry is able to pick out the forward with his pass, and this time, his left foot shot goes beyond the dive of Conor Gough. Dan turns round to correctly point out that the perfect hat-trick is still on, and he has more than enough time to do it. All we need is for him to stay on the pitch, and not get substituted.

Just after the hour, the Daggers extend their lead, and Danny Green is now on the score sheet. When signed a couple of years ago, he was the second player of that name to be on the Daggers squad list. The other left twelve months ago to join Charlton, but Danny J has spent most of his time at the club actually somewhere else, having spent time out on loan. However, like last year when he returned for the last couple of games and looked good, he has done the same thing again. Having robbed a Rovers defender of the ball near to their own penalty area, he advances across the box before slotting the ball past Gough. As a contest, it’s all over now.

Woodall will complete his hat-trick on eighty-one minutes, and although it’s not the perfect one that we hoped for, it will do none the less. The ever improving Billy Bingham is allowed to pass the ball to the forward, who is able to score to complete our biggest win of the season. Danny Green almost adds a fifth in stoppage time, and as the Rovers fans do their conga up and down the stairs of the away stand, the game dwindles to its conclusion. As the sun breaks through, the final whistle is blown, and finally, its all over. The Daggers have won 4-0, and we can all decamp to the bar to watch the cup final. At the end of the season, 19th place isn’t bad, and at least we have broken the fifty point barrier again.

Well, we can, but first the club makes its players of the year awards first. Both teams leave the field of play, and the Daggers return a couple of minutes later to applaud the fans before gathering in the centre circle to hear who has won. In the end, Michael Spillane takes the top prize, with Abu Ogogo and Brian Woodall, second and third respectively; Spillane will also eventually win the supporters club player of the year, with Ogogo and Scott Doe joint second. Once the awards are finished, then we make our way out of the ground, and into the club house for the Chelsea v Liverpool game. It’s already packed, but luckily Dagenham Dan and Graham have already marked out their territory, and we just pile in, and just make the start.

As the first half is played out, it’s a chance to sit back and relax, but also to think about the season just completed. The run with which we finished the season (one defeat in ten games) shows what can be achieved with a settled side. The few voices calling for the managers head earlier in the season never really reached a crescendo, even after losing nine league games in a row. But it just feels a bit, well, odd, that we stayed up based on three spells of decent form; the first was right at the start of the season, winning three out of the first four games, the second was at Christmas, and then the last ten games. After looking doomed after Northampton in March, one Dagger promised to have his head shaved if we stayed up. So, at half time in the final, in front of the assembled patrons and with a plastic sheet on the floor, he duly went through with the bet, and raised about £150 for cancer research.

There have been moments to saver this season; for some, beating Barnet at Christmas is always a good thing, or finally beating Accrington when Dan’s Dad turns up. But while we have ended the season well, it’s also important to remember that it didn’t look like we were going to do it for quite a while, and not just in March. Those nine, horrible, awful shambles that bought a grand total of zero points had us looking like a relegation team way before Christmas. That we got out of it is a testament to the players and management, although it was also them that got into the mess in the first place.

But it’s often forgotten that the supporters play a part in team success (and failures) as well. Far too many clubs change their manager at the first sign of trouble. Myself and Graham were approached by one highly placed person in the club on the way home from another pre-Christmas home defeat, and during a ten minute conversation were asked if we would get rid of the manager. The emphatic answer was “no”, and it turned out to be the right one. There have been more than a few managerial changes in League Two this season, and not all of them worked. The fans stuck (by and large) with the team, and everyone involved with the club has been rewarded with that loyalty and faith with another season in League Two. It may not sound like a lot to some, but to us, it still does. And while I will renew my season ticket for 2012/13, I won’t be doing it just yet. I need a few weeks without football first, and probably a lie down.

On the 3rd May 2003, Swansea City faced Hull in order to determine whether they would retain their Football League status. Over nine and a half thousand fans poured into The Vetch Field to watch The Swans try to avoid the unthinkable, knowing that anything other than victory would see the side drop out of the Football League and into the conference. The Welsh side won the game 4-2 with James Thomas bagging a hat-trick which consisted of 2 penalties and a sublime chip over the keeper.

On Sunday, nine years on from the Hull fixture, Swansea City travelled to Old Trafford in order to play a pivotal role in concluding the destiny of the Premier League title, with their top flight status for the 2012-13 campaign secure.

Manchester United’s home form has been far from that which they have shown on the road this season, meaning Swansea had a realistic chance of denying Alex Ferguson’s side 3 points and returning from Old Trafford with more than their pride in tact.

Few would have predicted that with two fixtures of their maiden Premier League campaign remaining, Swansea would be 10 points off the relegation zone. Having taken the league by storm, Brendan Rodgers side now find themselves in a mid table league position highly reflective of their performances.

With Manchester City beating Newcastle in the 1.30 kick off, United knew that they had to record 3 points to keep alive their chances of retaining the title.  Swansea, bolstered by the return to fitness of Angel Rangel, as expected reverted back to a more traditional 4-5-1 formation for Sunday’s fixture, having experimented with three at the back during last weekends 4-4 draw at home to Wolves .

Rangel was instantly restored to the Swans back line along with left back Neil Taylor, whilst Mark Gower started in place of Leon Britton who was only fit enough for a place amongst the substitutes following the knee injury he sustained last week.

Alex Ferguson made three changes to the side that was condemned to defeat in last Monday’s Manchester derby as Ashley Young, Hernandez and Valencia were restored to the starting line up.

During a scrappy opening encounter, in which neither side really established the upper hand, Joe Allen stood out for the Welsh side, closing down avenues and applying optimum pressure on the Untied players. However this was to little avail with few other Swansea players showing the same tenacity.

Swansea City began to settle and showed glimpses of their capabilities but ultimately payed the price for playing an uncharacteristic amount of misplaced passes, conceding possession far too frequently as Manchester United broke the deadlock with almost half an hour played. Phil Jones did well to get the better of Neil Taylor out wide before pulling the ball back for Carrick who’s shot into a congested penalty area was helped on with a neat flick from Scholes, changing the direction of the ball, deceiving Michel Vorm and opening the scoring for a united side looking to close the goal margin their local rivals hold over them.

Hernandez came close to doubling the home sides advantage soon after, however couldn’t direct his header on target.  United squandered a host of other opportunities in the first half as they frustratedly looked to extend their lead.

The reigning Champions did finally add to their goal tally with four minutes of the first half remaining when Ashley Young pounced on a loose ball following Wayne Rooney’s initial shot.

Swansea spent large spells of the first half sitting too deep, inviting relentless United pressure and were inevitably punished for the amount of time and space they allowed the home side, going in at the interval trailing 2-0.

Swansea City, backed by a phenomenal away support, who remained louder than their counterparts for the duration, tried to ignite a resurgence after the break.  A hugely credible endeavour and bounds of spirit saw a large momentum switch, seemingly triggered by the introduction of holding midfielder Leon Britton.  Instantly restoring shape to the Swansea midfield, Britton showed no signs of injury, as he made numerous crucial interceptions and changed the whole complexion of the game.  A second half in vast contrast to the first saw Swansea on the front foot, with the home side rattled.

Swansea surged forward with far greater urgency and a vastly improved tempo. The Welsh side’s defence appeared more comfortable with Britton offering assurance to the back line, commanding the holding midfield role to mass effect.

Manchester United still aired a threat and showcased the class they poses by creating a horde of chances. Coming agonisingly close to adding a third when Valencia broke with pace before picking out a great run from Rooney into the box, who tried to play the ball across the face of goal however Dyer demonstrated his defensive credentials in order to intercept.

Swansea almost halved the deficit 15 minutes after the restart when Nathan Dyer provided a direct ball through the centre for Joe Allen, the midfielder had time to compose himself before unleashing a shot, deflecting off Danny Graham and forcing De Gae into an impressive save.

The Spanish keeper also made a great full stretched save 5 minutes later to deny a Gylfi Sigurdsson free kick which seemed destined for the back of the net.  The contrast of performances in the two halves emphasised Leon Britton’s importance to the side as Swansea controlled large spells of the second period, however could not convert any of their opportunities.

Alan Tate was sentimentally introduced with moments of the match remaining. A great touch from Brendan Rodgers to allow the Swansea defender an appearance against the club he had captained at both youth and reserve level.  Despite an inspired second 45 from Swansea, Manchester United showed the strength to prevail and in doing so, take the title race to the final day of the season

• Create partnerships between Premier/Football League clubs and local Non League clubs
• Play the county cup competitions at the end of the season
• Flexibility on when the leagues end
• All non league clubs to offer free entry to Under 16s
• Allow alcohol to be drunk on the terraces
• Play the FA Trophy and Vase as a double header on the same day at Wembley Stadium
• Make Non League Day a permanent feature in the calendar
• Alleviate the financial catch 22 of promotion
• Scrap the ground grading farce

So why the sudden goal bonanza? Certainly if you look at some of the games was there simply an element of last game Can’t-Be-Arsed-itis?  De-Mob happy was the “official” statement from the Ryman League.

AFC Hornchurch 2 Leatherhead 1 – Neither team had anything really to play for. Hornchurch were already guaranteed a home tie in the play offs so the result was to an extent irrelevant. Leatherhead were safe from relegation.

Aveley 1 Hendon 7 – A six goal second half performance from Hendon who had to win to keep up their slim chance of a play off spot against an Aveley team who were relegated some weeks ago.

Billericay Town 1 Lowestoft Town 4 – Already crowned Champions against already confirmed play off contenders Lowestoft. A shock result if taken out of context…but it wasn’t.

Canvey Island 5 Margate 0 – Neither team had anything riding on this one, although Canvey had a shout of 6th place. A case of a day out at the seaside.

Cray Wanderers 3 Horsham 1 – Nothing to play for here either. Horsham were relegated nearly six weeks ago.

Hastings United 0 Metropolitan Police 2 – No surprise result here – league form and placement would suggest this would have been the bookies favourite result.

Kingstonian 2 East Thurrock United 5 – Again neither team had anything to play for although few would have backed such an emphatic away win. East Thurrock scored five for the second away game in a row.

Lewes 4 Harrow Borough 2 – Lewes had to win to stand any chance of a play off spot. Harrow were safe from relegation. In truth this could have been significantly more although it is hard to say whether it was because they knew they were safe or there was such a gap in ability.

Tooting & Mitcham United 1 Bury Town 7 – If the reports are to be believed, then Tooting & Mitcham slashed their weekly budgets on being relegated a few weeks ago and consequently the squad was decimated. Their two games before this one had seen a 5-0 and a 6-0 defeats Bury Town needed to win to secure a play off spot and were ruthless in their execution.

Wealdstone 3 Concord Rangers 1 – Wealdstone had to avoid defeat to secure a play off spot and Concord gave them a real game. Certainly no CBA-it is at Grosvenor Vale.

Wingate & Finchley 2 Carshalton Athletic 1 – Two teams who finished in the lower reaches of the table. Again not a surprise result.

The Ryman League, surprisingly, is not the Premier League. There is not £756,000 riding on each league position. Games in the English top league(s?) stay competitive until the very end as the share of prize money is huge. But as you move down the divisions you can see that “dead rubbers” at the end of the season count for much less and teams cut their cloth accordingly. Non League clubs below the Blue Square level only normally have a few players on contract. The rest will be on a weekly wage but are free to join other clubs (subject to a seven day approach), have their wages cut, be released or even play on a dual registration for another club in a different league at any time.

So this means that clubs can cut their budgets if circumstances dictate almost immediately. If you are relegated then there is nothing against you releasing all of your first team squad and in their place playing your mates, subject to them being registered. Few clubs would be so drastic but it does beg the question is that fair on everyone else in the league?

The case of Tooting & Mitcham United is an interesting one. They were relegated back in early April and knew they faced a run-in from hell with their final three games against three teams at the top end of the table. So they decided to cut the wages of the players, drastically. You can see why they did it from a financial perspective. They could win every game 10-0 and they would still be relegated; the transfer/loan window had shut and so the players couldn’t go and join anyone else, and they would reduce the running costs for the rest of the season.

It is difficult to assess the true effect of this move on the results. The fact that they were already relegated says they had played poorly for the majority of the season anyway. They were playing teams who were also enjoying a great run of form towards the end of the season, although the failure to field a goalkeeper in one particular game would have had an impact on the final score, if not the result.

So what can be done to stop such CBA-it is? Actually nothing. They clubs aren’t doing anything wrong. They had an obligation to field their strongest team for each game, but a) it is just that, an obligation and b) if they trim their squad according to their situation then in all probability it would be their strongest team. In fact what better time to blood some of the youngsters who may be challenging for a first team place next season in games like these.

We love football because it is unpredictable. It is possible for any team to beat anyone else on their day. So I think my frustration of CBA-itis is that it takes away that unpredictability. Still faced with ten weeks without football in this country I’d take just about any game come mid June.